37 years old and just starting to face my demons
my_own_prison
Registrant
Guy,
I've heard from others that in order to be at peace and happy with my marriage, I have to find inner peace and happiness. How does one find inner peace? My marriage councelor has told me that if I leave this marriage, I will just repeat the same mistakes over and over again. He said I set unrealistic expectations on my marriage. He also told me to seek help for my SA before making any decisions.
I'm afraid the decision to stay may not be up to me. I feel like she wants me out. I have a hard time approaching my wife. I feel ashamed and don't even want to kiss her or touch her. It wasn't always like that. Actually, I didn't start to feel that way until I truely started to open my eyes and see my past for what it was. Once I opened up to her and told her my story, she just sat there not saying a word. Later she came to me and said she didn't say anything because she wanted me to say what I needed to say uninterrupted. She finally did come to me and say that she didn't feel discusted by me or hold me responsible, but I can't help to think she does feel discusted.
I feel ashamed and I don't know how to approach her. She has her own issues as well. She came from an alcoholic family and her mother was verbally abusive. As a result, she has always shielded herself from emotions. She doesn't know how to be supportive. I feel like my marriage is in a no win situation. For some reason, I feel the desire to be alone though.
I've heard from others that in order to be at peace and happy with my marriage, I have to find inner peace and happiness. How does one find inner peace? My marriage councelor has told me that if I leave this marriage, I will just repeat the same mistakes over and over again. He said I set unrealistic expectations on my marriage. He also told me to seek help for my SA before making any decisions.
I'm afraid the decision to stay may not be up to me. I feel like she wants me out. I have a hard time approaching my wife. I feel ashamed and don't even want to kiss her or touch her. It wasn't always like that. Actually, I didn't start to feel that way until I truely started to open my eyes and see my past for what it was. Once I opened up to her and told her my story, she just sat there not saying a word. Later she came to me and said she didn't say anything because she wanted me to say what I needed to say uninterrupted. She finally did come to me and say that she didn't feel discusted by me or hold me responsible, but I can't help to think she does feel discusted.
I feel ashamed and I don't know how to approach her. She has her own issues as well. She came from an alcoholic family and her mother was verbally abusive. As a result, she has always shielded herself from emotions. She doesn't know how to be supportive. I feel like my marriage is in a no win situation. For some reason, I feel the desire to be alone though.