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- Thread starterjacobtk
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Jake, don't give up man, you are too important. Please don't doubt this.
You are a survivor. Get cleaned up, and stand tall. You've made it this far. Take everyday, every minute as a chance to grow as a human being. If you can get the guts to look at yourself in the mirror,( I sometimes struggle with this myself), try looking at yourself in a different way,(this helps me). Look deep into your own eyes. They say that the eyes are the window to your soul. Find your soul Jake. Just remember, you have a wealth of fellow survivors here who are ready to help you lift your soul when you need a hand.
peace and love, shawn
You are a survivor. Get cleaned up, and stand tall. You've made it this far. Take everyday, every minute as a chance to grow as a human being. If you can get the guts to look at yourself in the mirror,( I sometimes struggle with this myself), try looking at yourself in a different way,(this helps me). Look deep into your own eyes. They say that the eyes are the window to your soul. Find your soul Jake. Just remember, you have a wealth of fellow survivors here who are ready to help you lift your soul when you need a hand.
peace and love, shawn
Jake,
As Shawn has said, clean yourself up and stand tall. Projecting a positive outlook goes a long way in believing it, as projecting a negative outlook goes to reinforcing an unjustly believed negative view of yourself.
Don't give up. Don't push yourself harder than you can handle, you'll just overwhelm yourself and bring yourself further down, rather than pick yourself up.
Reassure yourself that you are good, deserving, a decent person.
Be easy on yourself,
Bill
As Shawn has said, clean yourself up and stand tall. Projecting a positive outlook goes a long way in believing it, as projecting a negative outlook goes to reinforcing an unjustly believed negative view of yourself.
Don't give up. Don't push yourself harder than you can handle, you'll just overwhelm yourself and bring yourself further down, rather than pick yourself up.
Reassure yourself that you are good, deserving, a decent person.
Be easy on yourself,
Bill
Jake - do you know what ....life is hard at times! I am 46 years old and have never ever told anyone that I love them (I am about to start this as a new topic),,, do you know why? It's because I was abused at 12 and have felt as though I am not worthy of love ever since (love was a tainted word).
I nearly fell off the planet recently, but do you know what...there are people that care about me. I care about you, Shawn cares about you , Bill cares about you....there will be more people along shortly that will also care....care about yourself....don't let the ******** win!
On your side ...Rik
I nearly fell off the planet recently, but do you know what...there are people that care about me. I care about you, Shawn cares about you , Bill cares about you....there will be more people along shortly that will also care....care about yourself....don't let the ******** win!
On your side ...Rik
Texas_Mike
Registrant
it's ez 2 quit, J..
may i suggest...Getting Back On Track
It is important for you to know that your reactions are normal and temporary reactions to an abnormal event.
The fear and confusion will lessen with time, but the trauma may disrupt your life for awhile. You may experience any or all of the reactions on the last few pages. Some reactions may be triggered by people, places or things connected to the assault, while other reactions may seem to come from "out of the blue." Remember that no matter how much difficulty you're having dealing with the assault, it does not mean you're "going crazy" or becoming "mentally ill."
Talking about the assault will help you feel better, but may also be really hard to do. In fact, it's common to want to avoid conversations and situations that may remind you of the assault. You may have a sense of wanting to "get on with life" and "let the past be the past." This is a normal part of the recovery process and may last for weeks or months.
Eventually you will need to deal with your feelings in order to heal and regain a sense of control over your life. Talking with someone who can listen and understand -- whether it's a friend, family member, hotline counselor or therapist -- is a key part of this process.
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may i suggest...Getting Back On Track
It is important for you to know that your reactions are normal and temporary reactions to an abnormal event.
The fear and confusion will lessen with time, but the trauma may disrupt your life for awhile. You may experience any or all of the reactions on the last few pages. Some reactions may be triggered by people, places or things connected to the assault, while other reactions may seem to come from "out of the blue." Remember that no matter how much difficulty you're having dealing with the assault, it does not mean you're "going crazy" or becoming "mentally ill."
Talking about the assault will help you feel better, but may also be really hard to do. In fact, it's common to want to avoid conversations and situations that may remind you of the assault. You may have a sense of wanting to "get on with life" and "let the past be the past." This is a normal part of the recovery process and may last for weeks or months.
Eventually you will need to deal with your feelings in order to heal and regain a sense of control over your life. Talking with someone who can listen and understand -- whether it's a friend, family member, hotline counselor or therapist -- is a key part of this process.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------Texas_Mike
Registrant
Check this out...
it may help...https://www.utexas.edu/student/cmhc/booklets/maleassault/menassault.html#anchor1088802
you have a lot of miles left in ya...don't quit.
it may help...https://www.utexas.edu/student/cmhc/booklets/maleassault/menassault.html#anchor1088802
you have a lot of miles left in ya...don't quit.
Texas_Mike
Registrant
https://www.survivingtothriving.org/minimization
Secondary Wounding and Minimization
So many survivors have expressed to me that their wounds have been minimized by friends and loved ones, who may have told them to get over it, since it happened so long ago, or that it was not a big deal. Other friends may have asked questions like "Why didn't you fight" or "Why were you walking there in the first place?" These doubtful statements and questions only serve to minimize our pain and make us feel as though we do not have a right to feel as we do. It is unfortunate, but sometimes when we reach out for help, we find that our friends and families are not there.
Some of us struggle with minimizing our own experiences. Validating ourselves can be difficult. It's hard to admit that what happened has affected us. Sometimes we look at other people's experiences, judge them to be worse than our own and think we should not feel as badly as we do because othes have had it much worse than we have. I've talked to other survivors who doubt their memories of abuse, which makes the healing process more difficult for them.
Each of our experiences are unique and our reactions to them are just as individual. A friend of mine gives the wise advice, "Honor your process." Honoring our processes is to accept our feelings as legitimate and justified. If you are here because you are healing, I hope that you will honor yourself and your feelings. We all deserve to heal.
Who Deserves to Heal
If you were gang raped, you deserve to heal.
If you were raped once, you deserve to heal.
If you have been raped more than, you deserve to heal.
If someone has sexually assaulted you, you deserve to heal.
If it was attempted rape, you deserve to heal.
If it wasn't rape, if it was unwanted and inappropriate touching, you deserve to heal.
If you did not fight or scream, you deserve to heal.
If you were drugged or too intoxicated to give consent, you deserve to heal.
If you did not say no, but indicated through your actions that you were unnwilling, you deserve to heal.
If you are a man who has been sexually assaulted, you deserve to heal.
If it happened ten or twenty or thirty years ago, you deserve to heal.
If it was incest, you deserve to heal.
If you barely remember it, you deserve to heal.
If you were sexually harrassed, you deserve to heal.
If you are someone who supports, you deserve to heal.
That's all there is to it.
Don't quit-stay strong.
Secondary Wounding and Minimization
So many survivors have expressed to me that their wounds have been minimized by friends and loved ones, who may have told them to get over it, since it happened so long ago, or that it was not a big deal. Other friends may have asked questions like "Why didn't you fight" or "Why were you walking there in the first place?" These doubtful statements and questions only serve to minimize our pain and make us feel as though we do not have a right to feel as we do. It is unfortunate, but sometimes when we reach out for help, we find that our friends and families are not there.
Some of us struggle with minimizing our own experiences. Validating ourselves can be difficult. It's hard to admit that what happened has affected us. Sometimes we look at other people's experiences, judge them to be worse than our own and think we should not feel as badly as we do because othes have had it much worse than we have. I've talked to other survivors who doubt their memories of abuse, which makes the healing process more difficult for them.
Each of our experiences are unique and our reactions to them are just as individual. A friend of mine gives the wise advice, "Honor your process." Honoring our processes is to accept our feelings as legitimate and justified. If you are here because you are healing, I hope that you will honor yourself and your feelings. We all deserve to heal.
Who Deserves to Heal
If you were gang raped, you deserve to heal.
If you were raped once, you deserve to heal.
If you have been raped more than, you deserve to heal.
If someone has sexually assaulted you, you deserve to heal.
If it was attempted rape, you deserve to heal.
If it wasn't rape, if it was unwanted and inappropriate touching, you deserve to heal.
If you did not fight or scream, you deserve to heal.
If you were drugged or too intoxicated to give consent, you deserve to heal.
If you did not say no, but indicated through your actions that you were unnwilling, you deserve to heal.
If you are a man who has been sexually assaulted, you deserve to heal.
If it happened ten or twenty or thirty years ago, you deserve to heal.
If it was incest, you deserve to heal.
If you barely remember it, you deserve to heal.
If you were sexually harrassed, you deserve to heal.
If you are someone who supports, you deserve to heal.
That's all there is to it.
Don't quit-stay strong.
Mike Church
Registrant
MIke all I can say is WOW. I think you said it all. The only thing I would add is that you deserve to be the man you were meant to be and live life to the fullest.
Texas_Mike
Registrant
you guys say it all...
your the tuff guys...& the good guys
don't quit....
don't let the bastards win.......
depression is a battle i'm dealin with too..
so when i'm down..
its time to always hit the gym....and kick a little dust on the road.... planting helps....working outside ...so does the zoo...
this is a great place to be........for a mental tune up.
LIVE.....
your the tuff guys...& the good guys
don't quit....
don't let the bastards win.......
depression is a battle i'm dealin with too..
so when i'm down..
its time to always hit the gym....and kick a little dust on the road.... planting helps....working outside
...so does the zoo...this is a great place to be........for a mental tune up.
LIVE.....
I hope that you do not give up, although I know I have felt that so much, and recently as well. It is so hard sometime to keep moving, to keep pushing, and working. It is not fair that we have to work so hard to survive, really not fair. I hope that you can keep yourself safe, and I hope that you can feel that there are people who do care, and understand some of what you feel. I wish you well, always.
Leosha
Leosha
Jacob, there is always a reason to keep going forward, I know it is sometimes hard, but you need to keep trying to push forward. Pushing forward can be a very hard job, and the more stuff that gets in front of us just bogs us down even more, but you are strong enough to make it through and to survive it, you are a survivor and never let yourself think any differently.
scott
scott
Jake,
Each of us risks triggering someone with every post. Something I think is funny might nudge the wrong memories in someone else.
Get it out, man. Put the word "Trigger" in the subject. Put it at the top of the post. Then get it out, and we'll each decide to read it or not, to be responsible for our own healing.
And if someone can't accept it, well, you know the quote
Your uncle knew something about you. He sounds like a pretty insightful guy, so I doubt you somehow "tricked" him into believing you deserved to be helped.
Don't give up. No one would say that this recovery stuff doesn't suck a lot of the time. But it does not last forever. The abuse itself did not last forever, the time in denial did not last forever, and the work to recover will not last forever.
Thanks,
Joe
Each of us risks triggering someone with every post. Something I think is funny might nudge the wrong memories in someone else.
Get it out, man. Put the word "Trigger" in the subject. Put it at the top of the post. Then get it out, and we'll each decide to read it or not, to be responsible for our own healing.
And if someone can't accept it, well, you know the quote
The folks here who would read the post, by and large, are of the disposition to recieve it.
Your uncle knew something about you. He sounds like a pretty insightful guy, so I doubt you somehow "tricked" him into believing you deserved to be helped.
Don't give up. No one would say that this recovery stuff doesn't suck a lot of the time. But it does not last forever. The abuse itself did not last forever, the time in denial did not last forever, and the work to recover will not last forever.
Thanks,
Joe
Jake - if you need to type something here, do it when you are ready. If you are concerned about writing something that will trigger others, type 'MAY TRIGGER' at the top of your text - this will prevent anyone reading it if they feel unable to.
I have felt that I am not worth anyones attention and support for years before I came here - I now know that I was wrong.
I have just previewed my post and note that Joe is giving similar advice...be strong.
Best wishes ..Rik
I have felt that I am not worth anyones attention and support for years before I came here - I now know that I was wrong.
I have just previewed my post and note that Joe is giving similar advice...be strong.
Best wishes ..Rik