The list could probably go on forever, as we really are each complex and different in our own way. But, here is my shot at it:
1) I am not defined by the abuse, but the abuse did define my early development and socialization. As a child, I had no idea what was happening or how to cope with the aftermath of abuse. So, I struggled with self-identity, sexual identity, other people, and to define my place in the world and my value as a person. All sense of trust was broken, but can be mended, and I was alienated from others, not by choice but by the acts themselves and my own need to feel safe afterward. Never assume a childhood abuse survivor had the same ability to protect themselves as an adult or the mentally capacity to cope with the abuse at the time. I had neither, nor did they magically appear when I reached adulthood. I had to go find them for myself. So, understand I am dealing and let it go at that. Being a victim didn't make me weak, being weak made it easy for me to be a victim. So, watch out for children and help make them stronger.
2) I needn't feel guilty for participating in events over which I never had any control, and it is never a good idea to assume that I was a willing participant even when it seems I was one. The abuse was severely damaging, but at the time, parts of the abuse actually fulfilled needs for love, support, and physical contact even when those things were only lies used by the abuser to gain control over me. I cannot feel guilty for needing to be loved, needing to be supported, or needing physical contact. That is simply part of the human condition that the abuser twisted to get what they wanted. So, love children in a positive way and show them that they are valued, or other adults for that matter.
3) The effects of the abuse still linger and will probably always do so. As a developing child, I was taught the world is bad, people will hurt you if given the chance, love is a lie used to control you, people want you for your body, your body is a commodity that can be used to get what you need or want, feelings have no value, and pain can be swallowed without consequence. These miscues, or bad lessons, are chiseled into the stone without my mind, and it may take a lifetime to undo them. The fact I felt this way does not make me a freak or someone to be feared or despised, as all things can be unlearned and replaced with good thoughts and good lessons. This takes time. Right or wrong, all stimuli from the world outside me is processed through filters that contain the lessons that were once imprinted there. That is not my fault either. I have the propensity to love, to trust, to share, to feel, and to find beauty in the world. Don't ever try to judge me for where I've been or my history without walking a mile in my shoes. You might find it harder than you think, begin to question you own definition of normal, and your definition of strength.
Well, I didn't realize I had all that in me, but I can be longwinded. Oh well. I hope it doesn't sound too stand-offish, but maybe that is just where I am right now.
