2nd visit to T today...I have a question...

[my_own_prison]

Hi All,

I had my second visit today...He started out by asking me if there was anything that I wanted to talk about that happened to me during the week. An event, a thought....anything... I talked a little about an arguement my wife and I had and I mentioned how I wasn't feeling the feelings I thought I should regarding my CSA. I mentioned how I thought I was a sex addict and how I thought CSA had infulenced that aspect of my life dramatically. He asked what I wanted out of my sessions. I said I wanted to feel normal. I wanted to feel like I was important. I said I wanted to learn how not to look to sex as the device I need to feel saticefied all the time. I also mentioned that I felt deeply guilty about obsessing over sex all the time. He didn't address those at all.

He really seems to grab a hold of things I say about my wife. Her past, her issues...He likes to diagnose them in my presence. Thats nice and all, but I was hoping he would guide me more towards my past that I have been running from. Help me find the feelings I have kept repressed. Help me over come my sex obsessions.

Is it up to me to guide the sessions or should he be asking things, prying with questions...I don't know if I am supposed to "drive" the discussions about my past or if he is to pull it out of me. I don't know how to get started.

 

[yesac76]

If you feel like talking about it, bring it up. If he tries to lead you in a different direction, ask to focus on sex. I have found that if I think it is important, I need to let my T know I feel it is important.
Casey

 

[phoster]

these dudes are slick. they have an order of business to a degree, and the way they help seems to be almost sneaky at times. okay the first thing that happened with me is that he focused on my day to day life, helping me sort through and stabilize here and now, and to develope a better way of coping with my life now. then we began dealing with the past and the abuse. the sex issues we face have deep roots. it isnt as simple as jumping all over them. it happens in a slow subtle way. sex begins loosing power when you start realizing what's driving it, why you keep turning to it, and to see it in a different way. they are looking for you to reach certain points emotionally before they throw more at you. at least that is what i have seen as i've gone through it.

 

[guy]

my own,

i/m not a therapist nor am i an expert with them at all.

i do think though on your second visit, he may be trying to learn where you are at. i know that ken singer can advise better with this and also the sexual aspect as he did with me. (thanks so much ken!).

one thing i have with my t is trust. i went to her for somehting else and after all the hyperbabble about me, my life, my ex-wives, family, etc..- she laid a foundation of trust. i then told her of my csa.

and guess what, after about 16 or 18 or so sessions, we still have not dealt intently with my abuse as a whole during the sessions. she helps me more with my pain, my current week, and when my csa comes up, we briefly and openly talk about it. but not in detail yet, i think she knows that this is a process and i know that and when i am ready, she reads me well. she does not skirt the issue at all, i more or less try to heal and try to love myself and accept myself better currently. each day and each week.

i do believe we will get in to more detail in time. i actually feel certain we will.

so i think the main thing is developing trust. i so far in my life only trust 5 people that i can think of 95 to 100%. she, my t is one of them.
i have the 5% variance or question just because that is who i am, it is not them. havning been abused and betrayed time and time again, it is tough.

so, maybe, just see if you have trust. if you don't, i would find another.

i am blessed that i have mine now.

take care my friend, guy

 

[Leosha]

I think different therapists have different styles. I kind of prefer mine, who does not take command of the session and 'pry' at me with questions. She ask me what I want or need to talk about. If I don't have idea, we just go over the time in general since last I seen her. She always tell me, 'you can come here and not talk. You can come here and lie and bullshit me. It is your time and money wasted. I will learn about you even if you do that.' So, I do not much bullshit to my therapist. But, if I tell her that I need to talk of something, and have hard time with it, she will ask me questions to help me out. I like a therapist who read me and know what I need.

Leosha

 

[Ken Singer LCSW]

While it may be important to talk about your relationship with your wife (and it may have some strong connections with your sexual issues), if you have identified the sexual issues as a primary or significant area you want to address, the therapist should go with you on that.

I said I wanted to learn how not to look to sex as the device I need to feel saticefied all the time. I also mentioned that I felt deeply guilty about obsessing over sex all the time. He didn't address those at all.

Therapists who are unfamiliar or uncomfortable with some areas tend to go to the places they are familiar and comfortable with. In that regard, your therapist may be inexperience or uncomfortable with your sexual issues. Marital dynamics are something most therapists are capable of handling. This would be confirmed, in my opinion, if he wanted to bring your wife into the therapy fairly soon. (I'm happy to bring in partners when there is an issue that is relevant to the therapy at that stage. Bringing her in prematurely to deal with the relationship issues before working on your sexual issues is a way to re-direct the therapy to meet his needs rather than yours.)

You may want to look at the "Consumer's Guide to Therapist Shopping" and ask him some of the questions to be sure this is the right person for you.

Ken

 

[my_own_prison]

Thanks Ken, and everyone. Its all good advice, It's still early in the process so I'll give him and I more time to bond and feel comfortable with each other. Thanks!