2KnowMe

[TwinBrother]

I just sit here; if looks could cut there would be a whole in my wall the size of Texas. I just stare, thinking of what has become of me. I want to find a way out.

The sun sets in the window behind me. I remember the days in which I used to adore its beauty and compare it to my own. I have always been told that I look good. But when I look in the mirror I think differently. What has become of me? The scars that etch my body prove the mistakes I have made derived by the sickness that overwhelms me.

I have seen things that I probably shouldn't have. And heard things that make me feel so helpless. Here I just sit alone in my room facing the mirror, wondering why. Why do I have to feel like this? And why do I still let people use me.

Ive given my body to the night not caring to take it back. Sure I feel needed, wanted and loved. But I know its temporary. And that makes it wrong. Still Ill do it any way. I guess, I get caught up in the moment of wishful thinking that maybe this time might be different. Only to realize later, Im back to where I was before.

I consider my self a virgin. In that I have not willfully engaged in any meaningful sexual act with a partner of my choosing or consented to. I don't know. It depends how you define virgin. Sure, lot of things went wrong in my life. One is running with the wrong crowds. Now that I am out of that mess I feel more alone, more depressed creating a catacomb of tears and blood. I wear a mask by day, hiding everything inside fearing that others might discover me as I really am. Then leaving me behind hurt again. The sun is gone now. And the stars play across my window. A darkness falls over my room, only lighted by the computer screen, a dark black light casts shadows of past, present, and future.

Thank you for you time.

 

[MikeNY]

We are here to help you turn those lights on.

 

[Leosha]

Welcome here. I am sorry you are feeling so low with yourself right now. I understand those feelings, of being so down, and looking in the mirror with shame (when I could look in the mirror at all).

Please know that it does not have to be always so bad. There are many here who have been to the ultimate low, and are still here, still fighting, and surviving, and thriving in their lives. You can also. I wish you luck.

Leosha

 

[phoster]

i have worn that mask. it's a heavy load. i have seen those things, ones that i loved and hated all at once. i have acted out, having sex for all the wrong reasons, with all the wrong partners. i have sat in the very same place, thinking the very same things. i know it hurts, and i know how lonely it is, but by even facing the facts, you have taken the first steps toward changing it all. take pride that you have done that. many never do, so you should be proud for coming here and sharing.

jeff

 

[coolcat]

Hang in there. There is light at the end of the tunnel.In the eyes of God you are still a virgin because what happen to you was wrong, not something you ask for.

Hopefully each day will get abit brighter and those lights can come on again.Take care of yourself.