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- Thread starterjacobtk
- Start date
Jake its a tough & close call between when to speak & when to be silent, when to disclose & when to stay closed.
I've done some recent threads about this that may or may not be of help to you:
https://www.malesurvivor.org/cgi-local/ultimatebb.cgi?ubb=get_topic;f=1;t=001915
https://www.malesurvivor.org/cgi-local/ultimatebb.cgi?ubb=get_topic;f=1;t=001914
https://www.malesurvivor.org/cgi-local/ultimatebb.cgi?ubb=get_topic;f=12;t=000106
Also this article by Ken Singer:
https://www.malesurvivor.org/articles/singer3.htm
Jake I hope you find your answers, for you.
Take care.
Victor
I've done some recent threads about this that may or may not be of help to you:
https://www.malesurvivor.org/cgi-local/ultimatebb.cgi?ubb=get_topic;f=1;t=001915
https://www.malesurvivor.org/cgi-local/ultimatebb.cgi?ubb=get_topic;f=1;t=001914
https://www.malesurvivor.org/cgi-local/ultimatebb.cgi?ubb=get_topic;f=12;t=000106
Also this article by Ken Singer:
https://www.malesurvivor.org/articles/singer3.htm
Jake I hope you find your answers, for you.
Take care.
Victor
Jake
disclosure is the hardest thing in the world, especially our first disclosure. And you've progressed a long way past that.
Like you I kept some things back, my acting out and the actual details of that, for a long time.
But when I was ready I shared the secrets with my wife and a few friends. The relief for me was incredible.
And I have to say that by that time my judgement must have been right because I had nothing but support and understanding.
What I'm trying to say is I didn't force disclosures, I did them when it felt right by my intiuition. That meant I had to trust myself as well.
For me it seemed to be a natural progression to that place, although I'm not denying the work of my therapist.
I just felt right to disclose at one particular time, I suppose it's instinct ?
Dave
disclosure is the hardest thing in the world, especially our first disclosure. And you've progressed a long way past that.
Like you I kept some things back, my acting out and the actual details of that, for a long time.
But when I was ready I shared the secrets with my wife and a few friends. The relief for me was incredible.
And I have to say that by that time my judgement must have been right because I had nothing but support and understanding.
What I'm trying to say is I didn't force disclosures, I did them when it felt right by my intiuition. That meant I had to trust myself as well.
For me it seemed to be a natural progression to that place, although I'm not denying the work of my therapist.
I just felt right to disclose at one particular time, I suppose it's instinct ?
Dave
mrsunshineguy
Registrant
Hey Jake, be patient with yourself.
I remember . . . . Could not speak . . . That lasted for a long (long, long, long
) time.
And then after starting into recovery, I started a new phase - Couldn't shut up . . .
Now things are maybe a bit more balanced, because I babbled SO MUCH during the Could not shut up phase, a LOT of people sort of know, and it is sort of particular, but folks now contact me to ask if they can tell some friend of theirs . . who, you know, is one of us . . . about how to get help.
So I just sort of act like a boot-start, and tell them to try this or that survivor website(s), here are some good books (I collect survivor books from discount stores as hand-outs), here is what to shop for in a therapist, on and on, let them know they are not alone, and head them on their own path of recovery.
But at any rate, you will find your balance in time, too.
I guess if you have not considered this, from what I recall of your story, parts are still recent enough that there may be criminal issues related to your uncle? And some parties are obliged to report them, and sometimes criminal stuff can spin out of control.
See you,
Sunshine
I remember . . . . Could not speak . . . That lasted for a long (long, long, long
) time. And then after starting into recovery, I started a new phase - Couldn't shut up . . .
Now things are maybe a bit more balanced, because I babbled SO MUCH during the Could not shut up phase, a LOT of people sort of know, and it is sort of particular, but folks now contact me to ask if they can tell some friend of theirs . . who, you know, is one of us . . . about how to get help.
So I just sort of act like a boot-start, and tell them to try this or that survivor website(s), here are some good books (I collect survivor books from discount stores as hand-outs), here is what to shop for in a therapist, on and on, let them know they are not alone, and head them on their own path of recovery.
But at any rate, you will find your balance in time, too.
I guess if you have not considered this, from what I recall of your story, parts are still recent enough that there may be criminal issues related to your uncle? And some parties are obliged to report them, and sometimes criminal stuff can spin out of control.
See you,
Sunshine
We all seem to go through this....me very recently and I am stil trying to cope with the results of finally telling all. I do know that my inner peace is finally there, I have said it all, my prep is totally exposed. When it feel right, and it may take time, you too will beable to break that shell, and feel self peace. Be strong, we are all here to help you keep that strength, as hard as it is.
Bob
Bob