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- Thread starterjacobtk
- Start date
Jake,
First of all, you need to realize that you are not "worthless". You never need to allow yourself to get "used to feeling worthless."
Secondly, if other people keep thinking you're playing the victim everytime you say something about your abuse to them, then don't say shit to them. They are the ones who are worthless as friends or family if they can't allow you to express your hurt and empathize with you, without telling you that you are playing the victim card.
I personally have never told anyone except my wife about my abuse. My parents and brother still know nothing. I told my best friend once, and his response was. "Wow, Rich. I never knew. You're OK now, though, right?" I knew at that point, I had made the right decision about not telling people. This is a choice I made. I'm not saying that this has been the right choice, or will be the right choice for you. I guess I was never tough enough to deal with others' lack of understanding.
I don't think they always mean to come across as uncaring, but it is an uncomfortable topic to talk about or for them to listen to if they have never experienced the SA themselves. That is why I come here. These guys know what I'm talking about and where I'm coming from. Whenever I feel I need to tell someone, I tell these guys.
It works for me, but I don't know your situation.
Jake, don't ever let anyone make you feel worthless. Being taken atvantage of and sexually abused does not make you worthless. You WERE a victim. You're a SURVIVOR now. If no one else knows that, you need to know it. The guys here know it, too. Talk to us.
First of all, you need to realize that you are not "worthless". You never need to allow yourself to get "used to feeling worthless."
Secondly, if other people keep thinking you're playing the victim everytime you say something about your abuse to them, then don't say shit to them. They are the ones who are worthless as friends or family if they can't allow you to express your hurt and empathize with you, without telling you that you are playing the victim card.
I personally have never told anyone except my wife about my abuse. My parents and brother still know nothing. I told my best friend once, and his response was. "Wow, Rich. I never knew. You're OK now, though, right?" I knew at that point, I had made the right decision about not telling people. This is a choice I made. I'm not saying that this has been the right choice, or will be the right choice for you. I guess I was never tough enough to deal with others' lack of understanding.
I don't think they always mean to come across as uncaring, but it is an uncomfortable topic to talk about or for them to listen to if they have never experienced the SA themselves. That is why I come here. These guys know what I'm talking about and where I'm coming from. Whenever I feel I need to tell someone, I tell these guys.
It works for me, but I don't know your situation.
Jake, don't ever let anyone make you feel worthless. Being taken atvantage of and sexually abused does not make you worthless. You WERE a victim. You're a SURVIVOR now. If no one else knows that, you need to know it. The guys here know it, too. Talk to us.
markgreyblue
Registrant
jake - give to your need - people will not give to your need in precisely the way you
need them to unless you truly find a gem or a place like this - pull up your boot straps enough to be able think - what is something you can do for yourself that you think would really help cure or heal you ?
a place where people are into healing like a yoga class -???
or go see a therapist ???- but one you like
there are lots of little things - special things too you can do for you - to make things better for the moment - try anything self nouturing --
remember - you are the number one guy in your life -
and look you came here didn't you?
good for you!
need them to unless you truly find a gem or a place like this - pull up your boot straps enough to be able think - what is something you can do for yourself that you think would really help cure or heal you ?
a place where people are into healing like a yoga class -???
or go see a therapist ???- but one you like
there are lots of little things - special things too you can do for you - to make things better for the moment - try anything self nouturing --
remember - you are the number one guy in your life -
and look you came here didn't you?
good for you!
markgreyblue
Registrant
there's a book that i recommend -
"Pulling Your Own Strings" by Wayne Dyer -
check it out a paperback - really good -
"Pulling Your Own Strings" by Wayne Dyer -
check it out a paperback - really good -
markgreyblue
Registrant
YOU are NOT WORTHLESS- but YOU need to VALUE YOURSELF - enough TO GIVE YOURSELF
hang in j
m
hang in j
m
Just wanted to add my support. You're not a worthless guy. Like Rich said, anyone who's throwing it back in your face, don't give them any more to throw. A lot of people don't get it because they don't want to understand how difficult it is for survivors. I never understand why, but I see it too. So they claim survivors who struggle enjoy being the victim. Find places and people who support you and go there for encouragement.
And I think Mark had some great advice too. Take care of yourself. Make time for recovery when you have to without criticizing yourself or accepting other's criticism. And dump the negative thoughts. You're worth every minute you invest in taking care of yourself.
Dan
And I think Mark had some great advice too. Take care of yourself. Make time for recovery when you have to without criticizing yourself or accepting other's criticism. And dump the negative thoughts. You're worth every minute you invest in taking care of yourself.
Dan
To speak of it do not make you a victim. To speak of it again and again, from the same spot in your healing, year after year, maybe that is to be a victim. Because if you are in the same mind set ten years from now that you are right now, something is not working right.
You are not at all worthless. Despite what many people may say or believe, our worth is not defined by other people. YES, they maybe will give us some definition, some other viewpoint that we do not have ourself. Does that make them right, or more valid then what we think of ourselves? No, of course not. YOU are of worth because you are YOU. You are of worth because here, in this great universe, you exist, and are cared about by people. And before you say, 'no I'm not, no one cares', let me say this. Anyone who speaks or responds to you here cares. If we didn't, we would not waste the time or words. Therefore, you are cared for, and you do have worth.
Perhaps after being away from here a while, you need to stay around a little? Not necessary to post or respond, but just read, and be a part of the people here who DO care about each other and you. And allow yourself to feel it.
We have PMed a little before. Please feel free to message me anytime.
Leosha
You are not at all worthless. Despite what many people may say or believe, our worth is not defined by other people. YES, they maybe will give us some definition, some other viewpoint that we do not have ourself. Does that make them right, or more valid then what we think of ourselves? No, of course not. YOU are of worth because you are YOU. You are of worth because here, in this great universe, you exist, and are cared about by people. And before you say, 'no I'm not, no one cares', let me say this. Anyone who speaks or responds to you here cares. If we didn't, we would not waste the time or words. Therefore, you are cared for, and you do have worth.
Perhaps after being away from here a while, you need to stay around a little? Not necessary to post or respond, but just read, and be a part of the people here who DO care about each other and you. And allow yourself to feel it.
We have PMed a little before. Please feel free to message me anytime.
Leosha
I can only reiterate what Leosha has said:
Peace, Andrew
Maybe you could think about listing all the positives in your life. You are a survivor and therefore have some strengths. Try building on the strengths and positives. The negatives will never contribute to healing.And before you say, 'no I'm not, no one cares', let me say this. Anyone who speaks or responds to you here cares. If we didn't, we would not waste the time or words. Therefore, you are cared for, and you do have worth.
Peace, Andrew
I have the same problem with what the Trauma community calls *Victim mentality* and it:s a very real and numbing sensation of the question *Who Care!?*. I can tell you that I care; yours and others posts here, bring tears to my eyes cos I know I:m sharing Important Stuff with y`all. Books are not an end all for any of this, but good book on Trauma/Stages of Victimization are in *I Can:t Get Over It.* a great book.
However, even books bring me down cos I see iteratively how much I:m screwed up. Another post mentions writing down good vs. bad stuff about yourself, but for myself I use the Top 3...a list of the 3 biggest things Abuse-related standing between me and my goals. I can tell you *I wish I had Amnesia* is on this list! Neither you or I is likely to forget this stuff, skull fractures notwithstanding. You are important to me - not Worth Less, if you Survive, maybe someday Thrive, than a little part of me Wins this Battle too. Find a positive Trigger...something that might trigger a host of good things in Life. For me, that:s trying for the first time in 10 years to reach out and find a girlfriend, no small matter after 10 years of asexuality. This goal has followed in the wake of my earlier goal of *Losing weight, so I can find a sexy girlfriend*... I personally needed that to feel good about my present Girl goal...earlier than these my goal was to take regular walks and realax. Start with small stuff, then graduate up to the Big stuff. I honestly have Great misgivings about the girl thing, but perhaps it will Trigger some happiness....even if I DONT find *her*...I:ve tried. And that:s a success, Resignation is Failure, so don:t resign...it is your job your duty to yourself, were you worthless I would not have cried at your post.
Please forgive if I:ve seemed to have gotten into my stuff here, but know I struggle with *But I can:t* syndrome constantly...it:s Our Battle. But try writing down just one Big thing that would make your life happy now - Make a Wish - 3 steps to getting there (EasyThing#1, MiddleOfRoad#2, GodlikeAttainment#3) and Try. I want to give up too, I really do, as recent as an hour ago...I keep telling myself I:m not Worth Less, nay, I:m Worth More....we:re counting on you, bro, keep posting here, make some Luck for yourself...One peace at a time...
However, even books bring me down cos I see iteratively how much I:m screwed up. Another post mentions writing down good vs. bad stuff about yourself, but for myself I use the Top 3...a list of the 3 biggest things Abuse-related standing between me and my goals. I can tell you *I wish I had Amnesia* is on this list! Neither you or I is likely to forget this stuff, skull fractures notwithstanding. You are important to me - not Worth Less, if you Survive, maybe someday Thrive, than a little part of me Wins this Battle too. Find a positive Trigger...something that might trigger a host of good things in Life. For me, that:s trying for the first time in 10 years to reach out and find a girlfriend, no small matter after 10 years of asexuality. This goal has followed in the wake of my earlier goal of *Losing weight, so I can find a sexy girlfriend*... I personally needed that to feel good about my present Girl goal...earlier than these my goal was to take regular walks and realax. Start with small stuff, then graduate up to the Big stuff. I honestly have Great misgivings about the girl thing, but perhaps it will Trigger some happiness....even if I DONT find *her*...I:ve tried. And that:s a success, Resignation is Failure, so don:t resign...it is your job your duty to yourself, were you worthless I would not have cried at your post.
Please forgive if I:ve seemed to have gotten into my stuff here, but know I struggle with *But I can:t* syndrome constantly...it:s Our Battle. But try writing down just one Big thing that would make your life happy now - Make a Wish - 3 steps to getting there (EasyThing#1, MiddleOfRoad#2, GodlikeAttainment#3) and Try. I want to give up too, I really do, as recent as an hour ago...I keep telling myself I:m not Worth Less, nay, I:m Worth More....we:re counting on you, bro, keep posting here, make some Luck for yourself...One peace at a time...