Soccerkid,
first, I congratulate you on being able to speak so much personal thoughts here. I know it can be difficult at times.
Also, I think you will find yourself to be much more of the good things, and much less of the bad things. You will even out your feelings of yourself in time, and learn to appreciate yourself better. Keep track of this post, or a copy of it, and look back on it in a month, three months, whatever. You will see change.
Leosha