2 words that sum up the core of my life for the first 50 years of it
In my time in the early '50s in order to be part of the new middle class, the family had to consist of The "breadwinner" father, the "home maker" mother, House in suburbia, a new car, a dog, and one child (me). The dog came before the child in my case. I guess the chicken in every pot was also in that mix someplace.So... Basically what I'm saying is... I was born out of "expectation" (because the perfect family has 2 kids) - I was never really "wanted" - never really "loved"
This rings so true. My foster mother didn't want a child but needed a boy because it was required to qualify for middle-class America status. I guess as the decades moved on it was the second child that was needed but not wanted, as in your case.I was born to a Mother who really didn't want a second child
The child wasn't needed so birthdays weren't needed. I never had a birthday party either. I was very active in sports and my foster parents never came to a practice session or competition.Never once did I have a birthday party with friends over.Never once did my dad come to a single football game
Yes, the "perfect" family. That's the way the outside world saw families like ours. It's sad to read about so many "perfect families".Yet as messed up as the first 18 years of my life were it was all kept invisible from the outside world
Hey, Jeff, no problem man. I'm glad to be a part of your breaking through the silence and force of those rules imposed on you as a child. It does my heart good to be a witness to it and to have a part in it in some way.Thanks for the replies guys - it really is helpful to get this stuff out into the open
For sure, just when you had your only chance to be rescued from your parents nothing was done. It could only have reinforced those negative messages your parents treatment of you instilled in you. It's heartbreaking when you think about it and when you think about how alone, and without an advocate, you were through it all. Very heartbreaking! And the dots connect from then, your childhood, through your adulthood of isolation and silence to now where you are fighting against those messages by bravely telling your story here. Again, I'm glad to be a witness to your journey.I understand that things were diffrent in the 80's but it just seems to me that someone should have done something - and nothing being done over all of those years made me feel just all the more unimportant and invisible
((((((TJ jeff))))))I've been told a couple of times over the past 20 years of how when I was 4 years old that my dad almost left my mother - he had a plan all figured out - he said he would have taken me with him -but he kind of chickened out - he has no idea how much I wish he would have...
1 - Unimportant
2 - Invisible
I was child number two and my brother got everything but he was the smart, athletic and social one. I was the non athletic poor academics, shy bed wetting no real friends looser. The baby who was tired to his mother and unfortunately crossed a line in mental and some physalis aspects.Growing up in that house - life was never about me - never about my hopes and dreams - it was always about expectations - always about trying to maintain the "perfect family" image