Gay-bashing isn't the issue here. It is trying to bash anyone who discusses CSA and SSA. Case in point.
I'm glad others have found help here and have experienced similar journeys like mine. We don't have to have the same journey. Respect is nice though.
Hello, EdfromNYC
I have found help here and, from what I know, have experienced similar (but not identical) journeys like yours; and I thank you for that. I agree we need to respect each other and, while you did not say it, I, too, have felt disrespected and disregarded and was astounded and deeply hurt by the unprovoked attack(s). Sadly, I have seen that you have been treated in similar fashion and I agree that it is not cool.
I am so grateful that I've pursued the SSA way of looking at things while also dealing with csa and I've only gotten healthier, saner, happier/more access to feelings and more connected especially to my own sense of self. For me, it has been a godsend. Many men have reached out to me in encouragement, support and asking for support. I'm grateful my experience has been helpful to others and I'm only in better shape to help others especially now that I don't react to silliness (silly on the surface but full of misdirected pain beneath)
EdfromNYC, you have helped me and I am grateful. Stating the truth of my experience was not in any way meant to disparage someone else; and I am presuming that is true of you as well. I think the intent of the initial thread, without rehashing all of the posts therein, was/is to declare that CSA does (at least for me, and therefore I presume potentially for others) play a significant role in "sexuality" however, it appears that we do not all define these words in the same way. My point is simply that, in my case, had my recall of the CSA occured at an earlier point in my life; I may have very well led a life as a "gay" man; thus the CSA played a significant role contrary the quote below:
"
There are different theories about how sexual orientation develops, but experts in human sexuality do not believe that sexual abuse or premature sexual experiences play a significant role."
EdfromNYC I think that some of the people who have attacked/bashed you or me for discussing CSA and the link to SSA (as demonstrated by my lived experience, and I presume yours - but I do not presume to speak for you) are doing so because they are "triggered" because some people have used this link of SSA to CSA as a justification for trying to "fix" "broken" people - and thus potentially inflicting further harm by imposing goals that the person is not able to meet. That is not to say that thinking about CSA as a cause of SSA is not helpful for some, in that it can help us to process what we have experienced and to "put it in its place", but, for me, understanding CSA as a cause for impacting my sexuality does not "fix" me, I am still repulsed by even the thought of sex with a woman and this is not something I chose and I don't think it is fixable without erasing these memories from my consciousness. I realize that I am probably in a minority of survivors who was abused by both men and women, and have been thus impacted differently in some ways -
still we are all survivors; and we should strive to listen and respect others.
Nothing I have read from you EdfomNYC ever made me think you hated anyone - on the contrary, stating what you have lived has been helpful for me. The only ones that I have hated have been those who raped me, but, with God's help, I have learned/am learning to let that go. That is not to say that I have not been hurt by others, including others who attacked me for stating what I have lived - but I believe those doing the attacking don't understand or misinterpret what I've said or intended.
I never meant to hurt anyone or disbelieve anyone by anything I have said on this site; but I understand how some have been hurt but that hurt does not justify hurting or attacking me or others. I think this "discussion" has illuminated the topic, and for many, including me, that "illumination" has been difficult and painful - but apparently needed. I hope we can proceed with the mutual goal of stating the truth of our lived experience without others being offended or disbelieving us. For me, CSA did play a significant role in my SSA. "I am no better - and neither are you" Let's work together to enhance our mutual understanding.
This site is the only "place" I know of where we can share our experiences with fellow survivors and the world.
Our sharing should be based upon
Truth
The world does not yet fully understand or accept some truths such as:
Males, boys and men, are raped and otherwise sexually abused.
Women can and do rape children.
The impact upon the survivor is great.
Perpetrators commonly deny what they've done. Some may consciously repress what they've done.
Survivors commonly repress the memories of these trauma as it is too painful to bear.
Survivors often feel shame and are often "attacked" by those who don't understand or don't believe.
Survivors shame is unwarranted, but, nonetheless real.
Survivors desire to avoid being rejected or attacked or perceived as less of a man causes them to stay quiet.
I have learned a few things from this site; and sadly one of those things is that we are not all the same and that in addition to wanting to proclaim the truth of my experience to the world without feeling shamed or rejected or attacked, I want to share it with other survivors without being rejected by them too.