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- Thread starterjacobtk
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Mike Church
Registrant
Jake:
These pictures, as you describe them, show you as a little boy that has a look of pain on his face even when he fakes a smile. They are pictures of a boy who has been recently or is about to go through more horror. That, I think, is a constant reminder of what you went through.
I think your DAD has the right attitude about his. He wants to destroy them.
For you Jake, they are a link to a terrible time in your life. As you look at them it must bring you a heavy saddness of what could have been.
Does your DAD have any pictures of you as a little boy smiling for a camera. How about other family members.
I cant tell you what to do or begin to understand your feelings as you look at them. All I can tell you is what I would do. And that is exactly what your father wants to do with his.
These pictures, as you describe them, show you as a little boy that has a look of pain on his face even when he fakes a smile. They are pictures of a boy who has been recently or is about to go through more horror. That, I think, is a constant reminder of what you went through.
I think your DAD has the right attitude about his. He wants to destroy them.
For you Jake, they are a link to a terrible time in your life. As you look at them it must bring you a heavy saddness of what could have been.
Does your DAD have any pictures of you as a little boy smiling for a camera. How about other family members.
I cant tell you what to do or begin to understand your feelings as you look at them. All I can tell you is what I would do. And that is exactly what your father wants to do with his.
Jake
A few years back I had a 'ceremonial burning' of things that attached me to my unwanted past.
I still had my school tie and some other things from the school where I was abused, and some clothes that I'd worn while acting out as an adult, so one day when I was feeling strong I found a nice quite place and had a bonfire.
I enjoyed watching that stuff burn, and I haven't missed any of it.
But photographs are somehow different I suppose, they are a permanent record of our past, and that is what everything we know today is based upon.
But if I had pictures of that time and the pictures were painful and had no happy memories, they'd have been on the bonfire.
Dave
A few years back I had a 'ceremonial burning' of things that attached me to my unwanted past.
I still had my school tie and some other things from the school where I was abused, and some clothes that I'd worn while acting out as an adult, so one day when I was feeling strong I found a nice quite place and had a bonfire.
I enjoyed watching that stuff burn, and I haven't missed any of it.
But photographs are somehow different I suppose, they are a permanent record of our past, and that is what everything we know today is based upon.
But if I had pictures of that time and the pictures were painful and had no happy memories, they'd have been on the bonfire.
Dave
Jake
A few years back I had a 'ceremonial burning' of things that attached me to my unwanted past.
I still had my school tie and some other things from the school where I was abused, and some clothes that I'd worn while acting out as an adult, so one day when I was feeling strong I found a nice quite place and had a bonfire.
I enjoyed watching that stuff burn, and I haven't missed any of it.
But photographs are somehow different I suppose, they are a permanent record of our past, and that is what everything we know today is based upon.
But if I had pictures of that time and the pictures were painful and had no happy memories, they'd have been on the bonfire.
Dave
A few years back I had a 'ceremonial burning' of things that attached me to my unwanted past.
I still had my school tie and some other things from the school where I was abused, and some clothes that I'd worn while acting out as an adult, so one day when I was feeling strong I found a nice quite place and had a bonfire.
I enjoyed watching that stuff burn, and I haven't missed any of it.
But photographs are somehow different I suppose, they are a permanent record of our past, and that is what everything we know today is based upon.
But if I had pictures of that time and the pictures were painful and had no happy memories, they'd have been on the bonfire.
Dave
Jake,
A couple of years ago I was cleaning out my parents house, garage and attic. It was a family event, my mom, both my siblings, one of my daughters, a niece and a brother-in-law were all helping out. We cleared away at least 50-60 years of accumulated junk. I was up in the rafters in the garage throwing down boxes full of papers, clothes and all sorts of stuff. Everyone else was going through the stuff and sorting it out. They found my old boy scout shirt from when I was about 12 years old. They made a big fuss over it, I couldn't hardly speak. I went back in the attic and worked like a maniac for hours in the heat. I wouldn't come down, I exhausted myself, I didn't want to think about that damned shirt.
A month or so later I went to a retreat that Mike Lew had in PA. We were asked to do a creative exercise. I wrote a poem about that shirt. What it made me finally realize was that shirt was a boy's size 10. The shoulders were just a foot or so wide. I was a little kid. How the hell could I have prevented what happened to me? I had always thought of myself in that situation as being a big kid, able to take care of myself. I never realized how vulnerable I was at that age. I kept that shirt. I washed it and ironed it and I keep it in a drawer in my bedroom. It is a reminder to me that I was a little boy once who was not big and strong and was taken advantage of by someone that I looked up to and respected. I don't blame myself for what happened back then.
If those pictures are painful to you, put them away. If you can learn something from them that will give you strength, keep them close. When you are stronger and further along in your healing you can decide what the fate of those pictures will be. You are in control of this situation.
Be strong, don't let the past rule the present. Take good care of yourself my brother.
Steve
A couple of years ago I was cleaning out my parents house, garage and attic. It was a family event, my mom, both my siblings, one of my daughters, a niece and a brother-in-law were all helping out. We cleared away at least 50-60 years of accumulated junk. I was up in the rafters in the garage throwing down boxes full of papers, clothes and all sorts of stuff. Everyone else was going through the stuff and sorting it out. They found my old boy scout shirt from when I was about 12 years old. They made a big fuss over it, I couldn't hardly speak. I went back in the attic and worked like a maniac for hours in the heat. I wouldn't come down, I exhausted myself, I didn't want to think about that damned shirt.
A month or so later I went to a retreat that Mike Lew had in PA. We were asked to do a creative exercise. I wrote a poem about that shirt. What it made me finally realize was that shirt was a boy's size 10. The shoulders were just a foot or so wide. I was a little kid. How the hell could I have prevented what happened to me? I had always thought of myself in that situation as being a big kid, able to take care of myself. I never realized how vulnerable I was at that age. I kept that shirt. I washed it and ironed it and I keep it in a drawer in my bedroom. It is a reminder to me that I was a little boy once who was not big and strong and was taken advantage of by someone that I looked up to and respected. I don't blame myself for what happened back then.
If those pictures are painful to you, put them away. If you can learn something from them that will give you strength, keep them close. When you are stronger and further along in your healing you can decide what the fate of those pictures will be. You are in control of this situation.
Be strong, don't let the past rule the present. Take good care of yourself my brother.
Steve
Don't know how I'm feeling about pictures from my childhood, I never thought much about it until a couple of years back when I realized that I had never kept a picture of any sort during my childhood. Lately I've had enough courage to look at pictures my mother had of me and my siblings.
When I looked at the pictures I wondered what was going on emotionally behind the face of that little boy.
I realize now that I had spent most of my childhood and adult life in deep depression.
When I looked at the pictures I wondered what was going on emotionally behind the face of that little boy.
I realize now that I had spent most of my childhood and adult life in deep depression.
ScottyTodd
Registrant
Guys - Appreciate this thread! Read through it several times...I admire he strength of all of you who can burn, throw away, etc. those things from the past. I am a saver and it is extremely hard to let go of anything especially photos. I found this soooooooooooo verrry hard to respond to. Wrote this because I've been over this issue here so much, I felt I wanted and needed to say something. I guess this is still an open and difficult area for me. Any suggestions as to how you guys took control of this area? Thanks!
Howard
Howard
If the pictures you have are a reminder of what you went through so I say just burn them. When I left my parents house I didnt bring anything with me and I never went back. I dont have any picture of my time with them and Im happy with that. I agree with Steve, don't let the past rule the present.
The stuff I burnt related directly to the bad memories I had - have, the good stuff I keep safe.
I had some bits of the old school uniform, they went on the fire, as did a shirt and baseball cap that I remember wearing once when acting out, I had to turn the cap backwards, and get the mess of the shirt....
But my problem was that I associated these things with the sexual part of acting out, and I would wear my "cocksucking cap" while masturbating to the fantasy / memory of what I did, the same with the school stuff, I'd incorparated them into my fantasy.
It was a f*****g good fire !
Dave
I had some bits of the old school uniform, they went on the fire, as did a shirt and baseball cap that I remember wearing once when acting out, I had to turn the cap backwards, and get the mess of the shirt....
But my problem was that I associated these things with the sexual part of acting out, and I would wear my "cocksucking cap" while masturbating to the fantasy / memory of what I did, the same with the school stuff, I'd incorparated them into my fantasy.
It was a f*****g good fire !
Dave
George
Registrant
Jake,
I can see a very compelling reason in my mind as to why you wish to still hold onto them, at least for now....VALIDATION
Most, if not all of us reason & wonder to ourselves if the people we eventually tell 10,20,30,40+ years later will 100% belive us, especially if there are people around who will blindly defend the abuser, or the abuser themself. Without proof as people want but 99.9% of the time unavalible, it's just our word vs theirs.
Jake, you keep them, keep them very safe. I myself wish that I could have some shred of evidence that I could whip out to confront the unbelivers & liars (abuser & his son).
On the other hand, Jake, I can see where it wouldn't be too good to look at them too often.
I myself look at the few "normal" pics of me from that time and all I see is a phoney, but poor kid who thought that any second some one would see right through to all the shame & pervertedness, then everyone would know the truth about me. I lived the rest of my shattered childhood as an invisible boy. I would not ever get rid of my pics though, they are proof that I was a child at one time.
Take care, George
I can see a very compelling reason in my mind as to why you wish to still hold onto them, at least for now....VALIDATION
Most, if not all of us reason & wonder to ourselves if the people we eventually tell 10,20,30,40+ years later will 100% belive us, especially if there are people around who will blindly defend the abuser, or the abuser themself. Without proof as people want but 99.9% of the time unavalible, it's just our word vs theirs.
Jake, you keep them, keep them very safe. I myself wish that I could have some shred of evidence that I could whip out to confront the unbelivers & liars (abuser & his son).
On the other hand, Jake, I can see where it wouldn't be too good to look at them too often.
I myself look at the few "normal" pics of me from that time and all I see is a phoney, but poor kid who thought that any second some one would see right through to all the shame & pervertedness, then everyone would know the truth about me. I lived the rest of my shattered childhood as an invisible boy. I would not ever get rid of my pics though, they are proof that I was a child at one time.
Take care, George
Jake
I said this in one of my replies.
If you don't like them at the moment, put them away.
Sometime in the future your ideas might change, and once they've gone, you can't get them back.
Dave
I said this in one of my replies.
And I've just discovered how powerful a photograph can be, see my post "A Big Empty Space"
If you don't like them at the moment, put them away.
Sometime in the future your ideas might change, and once they've gone, you can't get them back.
Dave