17 year old question about incident when he was 5

17 year old question about incident when he was 5
C

Chris0487

Registrant
Hi, I am a 17 year old male, and recently I have been reading about Child Sex Abusers, and I wanted to know if you guys in this forum think that I may have been a victim. When I was 5 years old my mom's boyfriend had a son who was about 7 years old. One night he wanted to see my 'dick' and I told him 'no'. After repeatedly saying no, he kept telling me to please let him see it, so eventually I gave in and sat down and showed it to him. He then asked if he could feel it and I said no again, but then gave in, for i was younger than him and thoght it was ok. But he then started to feel my dick and I remember getting an erection and having an orgasm due to the fact that he was feeling my penis. I felt very upset after this and it caused me a lot of worry over the past few years because i don't know if I was actually 'molested' or if it was just child-sex play. If anyone has any comments please let me know thanks a lot.
 
Chris0487 - Welcome to the site! Since you are one of our minors on the Site, we usually have a Moderator to help you navigate and direct some exploration of the site. For now, I'll help as I can. From what you described, I would think there was abuse because: (1) the feelings you got from the constant badgering to see your penis; (2) the feelings you got when you showed it to him; (3) the fact he kept trying to cross your boundaries; (4) the fact he kept not touching but manipulating you; (5) the guilt you felt and feel because of what happened to you; (6) even if you showed your penis to him, he was pressuring you and used you for his own sexual gratification....and I could go on. There are many articles/papers and information if you go to RESOURCES above at the top of the page. You may want to look up who the moderator's are at the top of each of the forums.
Please be careful, in that many of the sexually abused guys on the site are in various stages of recovery...even yourself! I encourage you to explore, go slowly and keep in touch with the Mods. Someone will be in touch with you from the Moderators group.
Again, welcome to the site. From what I hear you seeking to understand, you are on the right site!!!!

Howard
 
It sounds like it would be an abuse situation, as it was forced on you. I hope that you will talk with someone, therapy or something, to help you get this straight in your head. It can be very difficult and confusing to deal with. I wish you luck.

Leosha
 
Welcome Chris0487!

I am brand new here also. Actually, I first logged in last week, but decided to wait for things here to settle out a bit....

I think what you experienced was definitely abuse. I bet it is common for someone to question whether his own experience was abuse, but it can sometimes be easier to recognise it when you hear it from someone else. I had something similar happen at around that age (5) from my two older sisters, that I just figured at the time to be the dues you had to pay for being the youngest child. I had forgotten about it for decades until a story in a sexual abuse recovery book brought it back. Even then, I still have had my own questions and doubts over whether to really think of it as abuse. I doubt, though, that upon hearing your story, you would find many people who would not consider it to be abuse.

I just want to say, even at 17, still be careful out there (in the world as a whole, that is). The event that I am in need of recovery from actually happened at your current age. At that age, you can feel absolutely on top of the world and practically invincible, and then suddenly find yourself thrust into a situation not of your doing that you are totally not prepared for. At 17, your legal rights may seem dubious, when the perp is an adult in a more powerful position. I am not sure if early abuse "sets you up" for further abuse, but I suspect at least in my case, it can add significantly to the trauma from it.

I am glad you came for support. Although I am new here too, I have little doubt that MS is a caring compassionate place. I hope it is a place for you where you can get healing and all your questions answered.
 
Hi Chris.

I can't say whether what you experienced was abuse or not. I only want to say that as there was a differance in age and therefore, I asume power, it may possibly have been.

I suggest you try to find a therapist to help you through this situation. One other thing if you feel you were abused it doesn't matter whether the actions this kid took fulfil the definition of abuse or not, it's you and your feelings that matter.

Good luck for the future.

Warm regards Marks S
 
Thanks for the replies, are there any other guys out there that have had similar experiences like I did? If so let me know, I would like to talk about it and ask some questions
thanks
chris
 
Hello Chris,
I wish you warm welcome here.
I was involved in sex as a 6 years old boy, the boy who was initiator was few years older than me. He new exactly what to do, he already molested his younger brother and, I think, few other boys. I got first orgasm with him.
Unfortunately, I was not able to erase memories of sexual sensation that hi waken up in my body and this is one of the greatest causes for my confusions.
Now I am 28 years old adult but that 6 years old kid is still lost in time somewhere inside of myself.

If you want you can pm me with your questions and I would try to do my best to answer you (of course, I can not promise you that I will know much more than you).

Anyway I wish you the best.

Ivo
 
My experience is different as far as details, but pressure was used and feelings were hurt in connection with sexuality. This is ABnormal USE of human sexuality. Like many of us here, your Personal Boundaries were not set firmly. Hopefully you are now setting up YOUR OWN personal boundaries sexually and otherwise. Congradulations, at 17 you are ahead of the game. Healing will come to you *easier* at 17 at least in (hopefully) not having so many additional years of confusion, however, it WILL have some difficultly and perhaps alot (hope not).

Your initial problem will be to Forgive YourSelf; you were young and easily pressured. Forgiveness of the Abuser is Optional and should go to Helping Yourself only. Other issues can be gleaned from the Bookstore generally, and this site specifically. Getting a therapist sensitive to Child Abuse Issues is also an xlnt idea. Shake your own hand for getting in touch with your feelings.
 
Chris,

HHHmmm, abuse or not abuse, difficult this one, obviously though, it has disturbed you in some way. You don't say how it is affecting you, in your daily life, as a 17yr old, has it affected relationships or other life patterns?

If so, you may need help

ste
 
Welcome Chris0487,

Okay, you're wondering if this is abuse or not. I would have to agree that yes it is. My brother, who I came to find out four years ago was taken advantage of by my friend. My friend never did anything to me, but I guess he did try to hint at things. I just didn't get it and laughed it off. We were both 12-13 and my brother was 10-11. My brother was still affected by the experience 10 years later. The only reason why I point this out is that the age difference is the same two years. My brother felt uncomfortable with the situation and you do as well. At that age you knew, intuitively(sp?), that this was something that you didn't want to engage in, plain and simple. Yet, you felt pressured becasue of the situation you were in. By the way welcome to Male Survivor. It sounds like you are holding up pretty well and you should be commended for that.

Take it easy,

Fusion
 
Hi, Chris,

I hope you are getting more help directly from one of the moderators. My experience does not match up exactly with your own, but I know how I will answer your original question, "Was I molested?"
so eventually I gave in
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but then gave in, for i was younger than him and thoght it was ok.
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I felt very upset after this and it caused me a lot of worry
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If it had that kind of effect on you, then it was wrong. He abused you.

Please get yourself some help from a therapist or counselor. This is not the kind of thing to try to do alone. "Toughing it out" is a lousy way to waste a lot of years. Many of us did that, and it just makes more problems to face later.

Thanks,

Joe
 
Chris,
My second abuser was four or five years older than me. So I can understand alot of what yu went through. Feel free to PM me, if yuo have any questions I can help you with.

Casey

ps, Welcome to the brotherhood!
 
Hey everyone,

Again, thanks for the information on my scituation. It just frusturates me that I feel like my scituation is a 'one of a kind' type of thing since its not clear if it was abuse or not, am I alone in this type of childhood sexual experience?
Chris
 
Chris
he kept telling me to please let him see it, so eventually I gave in
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I just re-read your origional post and noted that you said something like this twice.

You said "NO" and he persisted. He was older, and therefore more powerful. He wanted you to do something of which you had no knowledge, but he obviously did.

Sounds like abuse to me Chris.

Dave
 
Chris,
I read what happened to you and I would say that it was sexual abuse or molestation. It was very similar to what happened to me, although after my encounter I had a memory blackout about it for many years. I would encourage you or any guy who was sexually abused or molested as a boy to get in to see a therapist who deals with sexual abuse. This is one area where it does a man no good to try and be a "tough guy". If you are getting help, awesome, if not, don't wait. Godspeed to you.
 
Having first been abused as an infant by a parent and then again as a four or five year old by neighborhood boys, I confirm that it was abuse that you experienced.

From that point on, I experienced depression, anxiety and other symptoms of PTSD. I did not see a therapist until I was sixteen (who dismissed it as ordinary teen aged angst) and then again more instensively (or so it seemed at the time) in a residential treatment program. The source of the symptoms I was experiencing was not identified again (not surprising for that time).

I ran away from there and was abused again, that time by an adult.

I am fifty years old now and the abuse symptoms that I was/am experiencing were not identified until several years ago by an especially perceptive therapist. I did not start conciously recovering memories until several years before that.

As another has written here already, you are definitely "ahead of the game."

I also recommend caution. Seek help but be careful about who you seek it from.
 
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