16 year flash back from outside communication

[andrew76]

Hello Everyone,

It has been sometime since I have been on here so I just want to say Hey to those whom I have been out of touch with.

Flash back started three days ago when out of the blue I had someone track me down that I had not heard from since 16 years ago and I have been starting to relive everything all over again very frightning and very perplexing as I really don't know what to say or what to think with everything coming back in such a way that things I thought were part of my survival are now being drawn to the forefront.

This person knew me so intimately that this person kwe the details of everything I lived breathed and almost died for years ago now I am at the point of feeling and having emotions flooding back and it has now begun another wave of begining another chapter of my survival that I thought was gone forever and that I thought I would never have to relive.It is funny how skeletons have a way of finding their way back and becoming the thing you wished to some degree that would find it's way back to the hole in which it came from.Anyone know what I mean and how I feel,man I really am at a loss right now and am reaching deep down to think,feel,sense what and how to respond to this 16 year old skeleton.

Never thought I would be reliving a chapter that I had closed for good and buried in the past and had moved on from and had placed way deep in the back of the mind and healing from,man abuse sucks and the consequenses of it after the fact even with the abuser no where in the forefront even though the abuser remains near by without any communication from.Don't know what more to say right now really trying to just write and feel and let you all know I am still kicking but having a really hard struggle right now.

 

[The Dean]

Hey back at you!

It is sad that you are having these flash backs. Who doesn't want these memories to be gone forever. But every now and then something gets us going and the fear starts and we begin to feel like we have made no progress at all. It took me a long time to really be able to tell myself that my progress belongs to me. So I know I will handle it better this time around.

My thoughts and prayers are with you.

Bob

 

[RICK57]

Andrew - I watched a DVD last night (Butterfly Effect).

It gave me some answers and some more questions - I didn't know what it was about before I watched it... I always thought that things may be different if only certain things had never happened.

Maybe things would have been different, but would I have been better or worse?

Good one to watch (film)...suppose it depends how we interpret it.

Sounds like I've said nothing here...watch the film & you might get a similar drift to the one I got.

Best wishes ..Rik

 

[andrew76]

Hey men,

Thanks for the support,things have gotten complicated since I wrote last.I found out that this person tracked me down via an ex-cop and a private investigator and that I have been followed the last year and a half by these people after the person looking for me was told that I had taken my own life and this person had not believed it and had to track me down in order to find out the truth.

As I had stated before this person knew me very intimatly that this person knew of my abuse and had known who had abused me and this person had told me that this person was going to put a ring on my finger and now I face the very thing that walked out of my life 16 years ago and now has walked back into my life.This person had tried to call my home and had tried tracking down several people of my last name just hope she did not track down the wrong one and call the wrong one.

This person knew almost everything that had happened to me and knew how I had handled it and now knows that I fell flat on my face when I was a little bit younger after we broke and lost touch.Man does this person know me better than my own self when it comes to this SA and how it has affected me even years later after we went into splits vill.Last night I finally just lost it and had a very bad breakdown like any other that I have had for several years and I feel very confused and very emotionally drained right now and have learned what has happened to several friends of mine including this person and sure wished I knew where this person was over the years and had not lost contact even though I know that this person was ripped out from under me and moved to Nebraska where come to find out later that was partly how this person tracked me down as I was stationed out of Omaha,Nebraska a few years ago.

The person and I,had loved each other many years ago and this person had a dream about me recently that really pinned me down,this dream was shown to this person that I was unhappy with where my life is and that this person felt that if they had not tracked me down that I would wind up being six foot under if they had not found me and let me know that I am not alone fighting with myself,my feelings,thoughts and my life.

I am feeling very alone with how I am feeling that I am thinking of getting away and getting into the wilderness and search how I feel about everything right now since I feel so twisted and bent out of shape that I don't know how to come back from everything I feel,last night I just sobed like a freaken baby last night while talking to this person for the first time in many of years,I hate how I feel.