12 step group therapy

12 step group therapy
B

Born to Resist

Registrant
I was looking for support groups in LA and Orange County in California. I only found 12 step programs that were spiritually based. Since I have a difficult time with my spiritual relationship with God I don't really want to join these groups. I wanted to hear your take on this type of approach to group therapy.
 
Hi, I'm Dan. And I'm a 12-stepper. LOL

I don't buy into a lot of religious crap. I was abused by a minister, and I don't believe that because you carry a Bible around or wear a collar that you're automatically trustworthy. In fact, I have a pretty hostile outlook toward most organized religion in general.

Having said that, I don't find that this is really an impediment to following the 12 steps. Even though a lot of 12-step groups meet in churches, the steps themselves require an acceptance of a higher power, however you define that. For me, that has never meant a God, as defined by any organized religion. It has meant the acceptance that there is something that keeps this world spinning, that pushes us from birth to death, that keeps the sun shining and the trees green, etc. That makes this a living planet rather than just a lump of atoms. I don't know what it is, but I accept it's there and I can entrust my own life to this higher power. In fact, can is the wrong word. My life is in the hands of this higher power because I have no choice about it.

I have occasionally run across 12-step meetings where the language of the meeting is more specific, usually referencing Jesus or a Christian god. If it's one or two people in the meeting giving it that flavor, I apply the old saying: Take what you want and leave the rest, since they should feel free to embrace a higher power of their own choosing. If the whole group has adopted a Christian-only outlook, I move on, since they've moved away from the spirit of 12-step recovery, which does not support this type of exclusive outlook.

If I were in your shoes, I'd attend a couple meetings and/or arrange to talk to members and ask them about your concerns. I'm sure there will be people who are well aware of the issue and can give you a quick read on the group. You might ask them how Muslim, Hindu, Jewish, Buddist and aethiest members operate within the group and see what answers you get.

The bigger problem I have with 12-step programs is that they are in my experience basically behavior modification programs that can fall short of really helping give someone a full life. For me, recovery from sexual abuse requires work on issues that are specific to me that don't fall neatly in the 12-step framework. So for me the 12-steps make for a good foundation to recovery. But they do not get me all the way there.
 
I did 12 step groups and found them very useful. I am an atheist and didnt have much of a problem with the higher power. I think they are well worth a try, as Dan said they are a good foundation, I learned quite a lot, but I find therapy goes deeper.

Good luck with whatever you decide to do.
Peter.
 
BTR,

12-step programs are not group therapy...they are meetings.

I appreciate that a lot of guys find 12-step programs helpful, however I am not one of them. In my opinion, 12-step programs are useful for diseases such as substance abuse. I view CSA as a wound that needs to heal and not as a disease that needs a cure. It is ashame that there are not more support groups for men run by professional facilitators. I went to an SIA 12-step meeting twice and during the second meeting I experienced severe triggers. It was difficult for me to travel home and having a professional facilitator present would have helped me greatly.

I talked to the group leader after a meeting and he told me that different meetings have different cultures, so it may be wise to just check out a few different meetings and see for yourself. They are anonymous meetings and you can decide if you want to return.

Hope this was helpful.
V
 
BTR, I too have tried to work withing the framework of 12-step groups, namely AA. I am not a big fan of it, lots of people spouting mantra and catch-phrases. I too have a problem with the higher power as my perp was a priest so I may be biased. However, it seems that many people do find them helpful. And as my T says (she is also a long time AA'er) there are life skills to be learned in those meetings, and if you find one useful bit in a week of meetings, you have still come out ahead. That said, I think that they can be a helpful crutch if you treat it as such. Many people I have talked to in those meetings are using them as a drug itself. Basically a preplacement to their old drug of choice. I concurr w/ BHD, I think SA is a harm that needs to be repaired rather than a disease that needs to be overcome. Wish you luck.

Jack
 
And how do I repair the hurt that the abuser did to me. How do I learn to trust, to become vulnerable again, to live an healthy life with affection if I do not trust anyone. And believe me I do not trust anyone, still, even 30 years after the victimization.

How do I stop the isolation, and the ego that tells me that I do not need anyone in my life. I became a compulsive gambler, swallowed my antidepressants pills in a suicide attempt a few years ago.

I join an anonymous group, even though I did not trust anyone. I did 5 to 7 meetings a week, even though I still gambled. After 3 years, I now have 14 months clean.

I now recognize that there are some good, honest people out there, and at the same time I recognize these values in me! All because I did meetings.

And my biggest surprise of all...I would say that the majority of men and women that attend these groups were also sexual abuse victims!!!

I am no longer alone.
 
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