1 issue / 2 issues / 3 / 4?

1 issue / 2 issues / 3 / 4?

RICK57

Registrant
Don't know if I should split this into several posts, but I'm putting it all in one. Things that happened this week and how I feel at present!

Since I took the perv to court earlier this year, and gained a conviction in March (anyone that doesn't know, the crimes were in 1969) I've not exactly known where my head is at most of the time. I think I spent so long not telling anyone, that once I did., I didn't really know how to deal with the whole thing. It was like a cannon ball rolling down a hill. It was taking the lid off Pandora's box.

I didn't know how everything would work out, and now that my head is finally settling, I feel like the world is a different place to what it was.

I trust people more than I have for many years (since I was 12), but I remember the reasons that I trusted when I was younger, and how I was let down. How do I know that when I try to trust someone now, that my trust is deserved? Will I be let down?

I also thought that I was pretty perceptive, but this week, a member of my staff rang into work trying to speak to me, because they couldn't come to work. They'd had a telephone call from the police asking about issues with a stepfather and felt pretty screwed up, now that it was all being draggged up again. I've known the member of staff for many years before they came to work for the same company. The person was in panic mode, and the call was due to abuse by the stepfather. The person that took the call was very discreet, and relayed the basics to me, without even knowing about my own situation. It blew my mind! I don't know what the full details are, but for the police to be telephoning, it must mean that a complaint had been registered at an earlier date. In this country, they will not contact someone out of the blue (so they told me when I suggested other victims to them). I can't believe that I missed all of the signs. When we get to talk, I know that it will be a two way thing of '****, you too'? I'm stunned! At least I know that I can help and really understand!

The other issue...when I went to court, I took a week off for the main part of the case, and went back 3 Fridays for sentencing / adjournment of sentencing etc. After the week in court, I went back to work, to be told by a good friend (that knew why I was in court), that a story was going round, that I had been up in Crown Court for something, and that I had needed character witnesses. Not that I was the main witness for the prosecution. The stories that came back were pretty twisted and I got really pissed off. It took me about 2 minutes to realise which idiot had screwed the story up ...****ing fish wife. I sent information back that I was after a scalp? Since then though, I keep overhearing silly inane comments (these are supposedly intelligent people). Because I am single ( and probably will be for the rest of my life), they think it is amusing to make all sorts of comments. Well yesterday, I told one of the 2 main offenders (I told him about the court case 2 months ago & told him what I thought of of his stupid comments at the same time)that I was thinking of buying a baseball bat for his friend for christmas, but I was also thinking of giving it to him early! I also said that I didn't go to court and put up with all that crap, just to go into work and listen to their bullshit. I think the message has registered. The one that needs a baseball bat...we work in an open plan office, and every time you stand up, you can see this bastard's head sticking up above the bay dividers (I call him meercat). I told him that someone that fraudulently claims 5 hours overtime per week (among other issues)should not be taking the piss out of me. I absoulutely refuse to put up with what I consider to be harrasment any longer. After I challenged them, it has become quite amusing...meercat sits down every time I stand up.

First 'idiot' said that although he doesn't get on with everyone at work, work is work, and there is no reason why everyone cannot just relax and enjoy a drink together outside of work. I asked why in hell would I want to go for a drink outside of work, with someone that I could not stand at work - that would be very hypocritical. The idiot looked at me with disbelief!

Best wishes ...Rik
 
Rik, its always a tough decision to disclose.
I would say to everyone to do it for your own minds safetey, but you always have to be aware of how idiots react.

You can ring me, as I live in UK.
You have a case against these idiots spreading rumours, and I dont have to guess what they might be!

Disclosure to me, pretty much means that I trust ppl even less, not more.
Crawl back into my shell, best way to be out of it.

Try not to let anger get in the way of things, but I pretty much can see how things are right now.

I think you have pretty much tamed the meercat, but it should never have to be that way.

Give me that bat!

ste
 
Not that I know your situation completely but I would use caution when dealing with co-workers. The mindset of the office is very difficult to change and once they've made up their minds, it's done.

With one exception, I've gotten little support from the workplace as to personal and private matters so I normally don't say anything.

Brad
 
Ste/Brad - thanks for your comments.

I'm not too bothered about the meercat and any other idiots at work. I did the hard part going to court. It's usually people that have poor self image themselves, that try and make others feel bad or inferior. I'll leave them to their issues and use my energy where it serves a better purpose. *Although they do annoy me! I will see how things are today, as I'm working late shift. *PS - I'm not taking a baseball bat in if anyone thought I had finally flipped.

This is exactly where I should use my energy. The person that I mentioned above, that had abuse issues with a stepfather has just rang me. We talked for about 74 minutes (I have a timer on my phone). The person didn't exactly know how to start the conversation, so I led it. It was a very beneficial conversation for both of us, and we now understand that we wear the same shoes in life. The crimes in this instance are over thirty years old, and I was able to give both the benefits and pitfalls of taking things further.

This person wants The Personnel Department to be aware of what's going on, so I am going to deal with this side of things for them.

It's strange, but I now feel that something positive has come from my being abused. The fact that I could now fully support someone through a scenario that I have personally endured. I could feel the tension dropping as we talked. I don't feel good that this person was abused obviously, but at the end of the conversation, they said they didn't feel good, but felt better, and not so alone, knowing that someone could really understand.

I managed to impart much of the advice that I have learned here! So thanks to all of you for helping me to be in a position to help someone else. Remember, when I first arrived here, I was in a position where I just felt like bailing out of life altogether. I suppose today I have paid back some of what you all gave to me.

Best wishes ...Rik
 
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