Incestuous Abuse Breaking free *triggers
Healing light
Registrant
Recently I have realised that I Carry tons of anger that I still need to let go of and I have admitted to myself but not out loud that I loved my abusers (this is kinda out loud right? ) Before I hated them.
and I have got stuck hating them
AS I'm sickened by what happened
I just want to feel nothing I want them to be irrelevant
So I'm looking for positive outlets for anger realising they taught none so it all builds up inside internalised
How do they sleep , how do they look in the mirror and how do they carry on happily it's like another world to me because I struggle with those things
One of My abusers F he sits in prison , he's no shame he's in general population because he doesn't want to be housed with sex offenders he's got an aversion to his self or does he believe he's not one
So I hate him but once I actually thought he would be the one that stopped bad things happening , I believed he was a good person couldn't of been more wrong. He's good at pretending , good at manipulating.
Do I hate so much because I loved so much as a friend suggested
It's just not me all the anger but it's become part of my life as I work through my trauma
I realise it takes away from the present because right now good things are occurring for me. New beginnings
I'm hoping I can be as peaceful as my surroundings if I let my anger go and that would be great
Any ideas welcome although forgiveness is not where I'm at more anger management I just don't want to wish he'd get struck by lightning or something
Id love to find more inner calm and peace
HL
and I have got stuck hating them
AS I'm sickened by what happened
I just want to feel nothing I want them to be irrelevant
So I'm looking for positive outlets for anger realising they taught none so it all builds up inside internalised
How do they sleep , how do they look in the mirror and how do they carry on happily it's like another world to me because I struggle with those things
One of My abusers F he sits in prison , he's no shame he's in general population because he doesn't want to be housed with sex offenders he's got an aversion to his self or does he believe he's not one
So I hate him but once I actually thought he would be the one that stopped bad things happening , I believed he was a good person couldn't of been more wrong. He's good at pretending , good at manipulating.
Do I hate so much because I loved so much as a friend suggested
It's just not me all the anger but it's become part of my life as I work through my trauma
I realise it takes away from the present because right now good things are occurring for me. New beginnings
I'm hoping I can be as peaceful as my surroundings if I let my anger go and that would be great
Any ideas welcome although forgiveness is not where I'm at more anger management I just don't want to wish he'd get struck by lightning or something
Id love to find more inner calm and peace
HL