RL13000 as we are both celibate how do you deal with friends who want to know why you are not dating? This is a nightmare question for me. I could just say anything but after X years of saying the same thing I feel like everyone knows I'm lying they just don't know why. I dread that question and it really fills me with humiliation when I have to answer no matter what I say. I'm also curious if I may ask, you said her mom and your mom were brought in to it. Do you mean you were abused by all three? I feel a bit of an outsider in that so many guys on here have been married or were overly sexually active while I went the opposite direction. I know some guys have become celibate but that's not the same. If I may use this metaphor, its like when you tell an ex drunk that you never drank and the drunk tells you they understand because they don't drink anymore. I feel less of a man sexually and its depressing and frustrating.
Hello Random,
It is such a challenge when I am asked about dating. I have one close
friend who is recently engaged to be married and he is forever trying to
set me up with someone. He is a kind soul and he means well but he has no
idea how uncomfortable it makes me. I just repeat my mantra that I am not
ready to meet anyone at this time. I believe he is starting to get
suspicious that 'something' is up with me but he is too polite to ask.
I recently left a warehouse job where the guys were always going out and
dragging me along. For a lot of these guys, the object of every saturday
night was to 'get laid'. I'd sit in the back and nurse a club soda. Mostly
they'd let me be but sometimes they would ride me about being so quiet. A
few obnoxious ones would question my manhood and such. I've learned to
ignore these attacks but that doesn't mean I'm immune to the pain.
I left that job and have been working in the accounting department of a
cosmetic company. The great thing about this job is that 90% of my
co-workers are female. Since I am quiet and polite, I am rarely questioned
about going out and meeting anyone. But its a double edged sword as on
occasion a woman will ask me to lunch. I will go so long as its not one on
one, lest anyone get the wrong idea.
The actual physical abuse was from the girl Lisa who came to live with my
mom and I. She along with her mother Claire moved in with us. I consider
the abuse from all 3 because my mom knew about it and did not stop it. I
later found out that she not only knew, but condoned it. I heard her
talking to Claire on more than one occasion that I 'deserved' what was
happening to me. I also know that she and Claire watched it on
several occasions. I blame Claire because I am confident that she taught
Lisa how to abuse me. Lisa told me that Claire taught her about
masturbation and insisted she do it daily from an inappropriate young age
of 6 or 7 years old. I know that makes Lisa a victim too but I've never
been able to accept seeing her that way. Yes, she was taught but the entire
time I was with her, she knew exactly what she was doing and the effect it
was having on me. She seemed to enjoy it very much.
I am very much an outsider, yes. I don't have an answer for any of it. I
feel weak and ashamed. I do know that talking about it here helps. I can
almost imagine talking to someone in person, someone who understands and
who would love me and be patient with me and help me overcome my fears of
sexual activity. Almost.
RL