Still Embarrassed
Hello to all. Amazing site and the courage shown here! I’d like to tell some of my story. It may trigger especially if you’ve had female abuse and parental abuse.
I am a survivor and still struggle daily. My abuse began when I was 11. My abuser was female and she lived with me. She and her mom moved in with my mom and I soon after my parents divorce.
she was kind and smart and funny and pretty. I was shy and introverted and when this girl paid attention to me I was enraptured.
I did not even know it had started. She would wrestle me and rub against me until I was hard. She seemed to like this so I didn’t try and stop it. She then went from rubbing to touching and masturbsting me. I knew so little about sex. The conflicting part was how good it felt physically and how much it hurt mentally. Does everyone suffer that dynamic?
when I began to orgasm, I asked her to stop but she told me if I didn’t want it, it would not have happened. She was very physical and assertive and kept doing it. I did not even understand I was being abused until much later.
I could not stop her. She’d come into my room when ever she wanted and I’d be unable to stop her. Physically and mentally unable. I still don’t know if one dictated the other.
I was too embarrassed to tell my mom but after many months I knew I had too. But sadly, my mom knew!! She’d seen us. And she never stopped it.
that was when I understood it was abuse. The worst kind of betrayal.
I stayed at home less and less. Sleeping at friends house or out in our yard in a tent. Anything to avoid it.
sadly, it did not end until I went to college. I have never gone back home and never will.
my humiliation though, is still with me.
I am a survivor and still struggle daily. My abuse began when I was 11. My abuser was female and she lived with me. She and her mom moved in with my mom and I soon after my parents divorce.
she was kind and smart and funny and pretty. I was shy and introverted and when this girl paid attention to me I was enraptured.
I did not even know it had started. She would wrestle me and rub against me until I was hard. She seemed to like this so I didn’t try and stop it. She then went from rubbing to touching and masturbsting me. I knew so little about sex. The conflicting part was how good it felt physically and how much it hurt mentally. Does everyone suffer that dynamic?
when I began to orgasm, I asked her to stop but she told me if I didn’t want it, it would not have happened. She was very physical and assertive and kept doing it. I did not even understand I was being abused until much later.
I could not stop her. She’d come into my room when ever she wanted and I’d be unable to stop her. Physically and mentally unable. I still don’t know if one dictated the other.
I was too embarrassed to tell my mom but after many months I knew I had too. But sadly, my mom knew!! She’d seen us. And she never stopped it.
that was when I understood it was abuse. The worst kind of betrayal.
I stayed at home less and less. Sleeping at friends house or out in our yard in a tent. Anything to avoid it.
sadly, it did not end until I went to college. I have never gone back home and never will.
my humiliation though, is still with me.