therapy last week
OnceInnocent
Registrant
I was having a very positive T session last week. first one I actually looked forward to in a while.
I felt confident and excited to make new progress.
my T got disappointed he couldn't find a form for me. he sat back down in a huff.
he was sitting at the edge of his chair with his legs spread.
I had been avoiding looking at him when he was up so I didn't get triggered.
when he sat down like that, he was very close to me. I started freaking out in my head. dissociating and shaking and making my body small.
I started to tear up and I thought for a minute I could say to him calmly, "I want you to back up." but I lost it. I couldn't talk. I was stuck there.
he realized that he was too close. he moved back in stages. but it was too late. I was trying to hard to not have a flashback and just keep ignoring him so I wouldn't lose it completely.
he asked me what he could do to help, but I was too ashamed to tell him I wanted him to say "im not going to hurt you and its going to be ok."
too ashamed at this age...
I felt confident and excited to make new progress.
my T got disappointed he couldn't find a form for me. he sat back down in a huff.
he was sitting at the edge of his chair with his legs spread.
I had been avoiding looking at him when he was up so I didn't get triggered.
when he sat down like that, he was very close to me. I started freaking out in my head. dissociating and shaking and making my body small.
I started to tear up and I thought for a minute I could say to him calmly, "I want you to back up." but I lost it. I couldn't talk. I was stuck there.
he realized that he was too close. he moved back in stages. but it was too late. I was trying to hard to not have a flashback and just keep ignoring him so I wouldn't lose it completely.
he asked me what he could do to help, but I was too ashamed to tell him I wanted him to say "im not going to hurt you and its going to be ok."
too ashamed at this age...