Veteran's Day

Veteran's Day
It's been another Veterans day, I've spent the evening alone and the later it gets, the more I think about the life I've had, and the life I wanted. My friends know I've had a different war. They know of the abuse and assaults, and that my battles continue. A friend that's still active duty told me I completed my 20 year commitment and then some as I spend the rest of my life trying to heal. I trust him but don't completely feel it. I hope that changes because there's a guilt when someone in the general public assumes the origins of my struggles. I feel I'm nobody's hero. My thinking is more like, "I was a man.....once", and know they'd look passed me if they knew what my deal really is.

I've just been shedding more tears tonight, sitting here thinking about how many other Vets are hurting like I am, how many feel alone and didn't get out today, whether it's TBI, combat PTSD, MST, cPTSD, a combination, or other things. I think of all of those who served before me, and I'm missing my Grandpa who left me with a handful of memories that have gotten me through all these years.
 
It’s been a couple of days but you aren’t alone in this. Hoping this week will be better for you.

From another vet, be well.
 
I know that this post thread was written a bit ago. But I wanted to say thank you for writing it and thank you to those who responded. I retired from the Marines a couple of years ago. And one of the things that I am just now coming to grips with is that being a Marine gave me a mask to hide behind. It gave me an act to occupy to keep distance from people. And it gave me a set of rules on how to interact with people. And those rules made the world manageable because to me it didn't make sense. It still doesn't make complete sense. I am just trying to remember that everyday breathing is a day to heal and move forward on the path of healing.
 
My grandfather was in WW1, my father fought in the Philippines for 4 years driving a tank in WWII. When they served, there were no furloughs after 6 months. When you were called up and sent, you were in it for the duration of whatever war you were sent to fight. In those days, it meant years. Talk about PTSD. I cannot imagine. Oddly enough, while my Dad was part of my abuse - physical, not sexual - my Granddad was one of my safe people. So, not every Veteran experienced the same amount of trauma - even after all they had seen.
Thank-you for your service mdsmith. Because of you, and others who served, we have one of the better places on this earth to live. I salute you.
 
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