The Constant Anger

[i-m-Bri]

9th grade started with deep depression. I had been set-up, betrayed and molested by my mentor. In that haze I wondered onto the streets. That was my state when I was kidnapped. After that it was full out rage. It was the only thing I could feel about the episode and everything. It took a lot of work to shed that blanket.

Now that I am doing intense work around the kidnapping and rapes I see how I never felt the fear. The rage was all I needed not to fall apart. It contained me, comforted me. I didn't have to fell the horror of what they did. I don't have to be scared or hurt as long as I am stomping around, pissed as shit.

But if what I want is comfort, which I do, I need to walk through the anger. It's very real, but it's also bolstered and bloated as a defense.

Peace

 

[Tom E.]

prisonerID
I sure know what that anger & rage is about too! I have explosive rage episodes too. I have no control over what comes out of my mouth either, usually swearing & hurtful things, & then when I calm down lots of apologies. I can't seem to control this cycle. I'm in counseling for it & the rest of my disfunction too.

 

[Esterio]

Hi prisonerID

Anger and rage have been constant in my life or it seems that way. I don't remember a time when I was capable of controlling it. I blow completely nothing is held back verbally I don't get violent any more thank goodness. I remember this happening almost everywhere. at home, at school, at different clubs I used to belong to, in sport and at work.

At work it cost me a lot, I quit some good jobs over some very trivial things that triggered my anger/rage. I was good at my job so I got another right away or the skipper would come and try to smooth things out. That happen a couple of times with the same skipper. He was willing to come and talk with me. That did help.

It has also cost me several friendships. People seem to keep their distance from me, even people I have had nothing to do with, they must have heard or seen something. It seems to be the same as when I was a kid through until the abuse stop. I always thought I had a sign on my forehead that said I was available for abuse now the sign says stay clear angry man in side.

I am not going to say I can understand yours or anyone else anger/rage issues including myself. I responded just to let you know you are not alone.

Thanks for the thread
Esterio