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Tryingtolive

Registrant
Falling victim,
Once again I’ve fallen down.
Chose to make the same mistakes.
Falling victim,
I lay in my misery of endless thoughts.
Disowning everyone I know.
Poor choices.
Falling victim to my past,
It eats away, taking everything from me.
I fight each day with myself.
To be happy who I see in the mirror.
As time keeps passing me by, I realize how much life I’ve wasted.
That I’ll never get back the time I needed.
Falling victim has always been my get away.
I was never a friend of change.
Always loved to adapt to it.
Freeing myself is the only goal I have.
To be unchained from my torment.
In this shell I got so lonely.
Scared of the world and what it did to me.
The adventures I skipped out on.
The life paths I never chose.
All because of fear.
Humiliation.
Lack of confidence.
Falling victim,
I was always good at that.
Lack of love.
With no one to trust.
I hated who I was.
I’m learning,
To accept
To love
To change
To try and not be victim no more
 
Oh Ttl, this hope is warming my heart. I've felt the heartbreak in these pages. There's so much to share and seek. I've seen myself fumbling, awkward, needie and always wondering what I've done wrong? Learning the truth has helped so much. It's set some of that free to be managed, instead of internal dialogue I've no hope to escape.

So many of us feel deeply, and so many of us don't. I'm feeling more compassion for those who find feelings an unwelcome burden. These find a new way through me with the work that's ongoing. I'm Ok with this being the rest of my life; that is, to manage the past, and know I'm present to be me. That's still very tough to write. But, there it is.

Best wishes Ttl.
 
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