I don't think I deserve to be loved
My realization is that I don't think I deserve to be loved. I was never loved I was used at a young age I was conditioned to believe the only thing that got me what I thought was love was letting myself be used for someone else's pleasure, I grew into the mindset that I was only good for f**king not loving.
I have never known love, any relationship was about me making sure the other person needs got met and I got used in many ways not just sexually. I don't trust people or feel safe around them easily, how would I ever let anyone in and let alone into the mess that is the aftermath of my abuse.
I am in my late 50's, I don't have the drapings of youth to offer up for someone to want me, so in my abused mind, I have nothing anyone would want. I was so much better about all this and now here I am again broken and a mess.
There are no magic words to fix it until I unravel the web of lies I believe about myself.
I have never known love, any relationship was about me making sure the other person needs got met and I got used in many ways not just sexually. I don't trust people or feel safe around them easily, how would I ever let anyone in and let alone into the mess that is the aftermath of my abuse.
I am in my late 50's, I don't have the drapings of youth to offer up for someone to want me, so in my abused mind, I have nothing anyone would want. I was so much better about all this and now here I am again broken and a mess.
There are no magic words to fix it until I unravel the web of lies I believe about myself.