Hello
Hello to everyone!
I don't precisely know what I'm looking for here, maybe some help with my survivor issues, I'm already under therapy but hearing advises and experiences from someone who can truly understand me could probably help.
I was still a child the fist time the bad thing happen. In short, an old man tricked me, exploiting previous issues (life hadn't been easy even before that event), as well as my enthusiasm to live (I would be a lively person, I've been told multiple times that I have a strong personality) and emerging interest in women.
The thing fully devastated me. I'm in my late twenties now, but I felt really really bad and dirty for a long time and I'm still struggling with depression (the meds didn't help).
My biggest issues however is that I'm still fully unable to feel, be part or enjoy ANY situation. I'm always somewhere else, never concentrated. I've tried many times to go out, do something funny, go into holidays, but this gives me nothing besides anger and sadness. I don't know why, there are mixed feelings in play. In part I feel like that I do not deserve it, that I'd be ridiculous to open up to people, in part maybe I'm scared that I could be tricked again.
As a result of this situation, since years I no longer have friends, I didn't have a girlfriend for a very long time (and even then, it never ended well because of my "frozen" status, something no woman forgives). I'm even unable to relate or even speak normally to other people (usually they treat me as I'm arrogant, few understand that I look hard because I can't let myself go), so it is very difficult to know new people.
However I'm still here, alive, so I think that a solution exists even for me, right? Even if my situation is a bit desperate, until know I managed somehow to survive. The school helped me in this, that is the ONLY thing I've been able to accomplish in more than a decade.
I don't precisely know what I'm looking for here, maybe some help with my survivor issues, I'm already under therapy but hearing advises and experiences from someone who can truly understand me could probably help.
I was still a child the fist time the bad thing happen. In short, an old man tricked me, exploiting previous issues (life hadn't been easy even before that event), as well as my enthusiasm to live (I would be a lively person, I've been told multiple times that I have a strong personality) and emerging interest in women.
The thing fully devastated me. I'm in my late twenties now, but I felt really really bad and dirty for a long time and I'm still struggling with depression (the meds didn't help).
My biggest issues however is that I'm still fully unable to feel, be part or enjoy ANY situation. I'm always somewhere else, never concentrated. I've tried many times to go out, do something funny, go into holidays, but this gives me nothing besides anger and sadness. I don't know why, there are mixed feelings in play. In part I feel like that I do not deserve it, that I'd be ridiculous to open up to people, in part maybe I'm scared that I could be tricked again.
As a result of this situation, since years I no longer have friends, I didn't have a girlfriend for a very long time (and even then, it never ended well because of my "frozen" status, something no woman forgives). I'm even unable to relate or even speak normally to other people (usually they treat me as I'm arrogant, few understand that I look hard because I can't let myself go), so it is very difficult to know new people.
However I'm still here, alive, so I think that a solution exists even for me, right? Even if my situation is a bit desperate, until know I managed somehow to survive. The school helped me in this, that is the ONLY thing I've been able to accomplish in more than a decade.