Hello

Hello

Mundus

New Registrant
Hello to everyone!

I don't precisely know what I'm looking for here, maybe some help with my survivor issues, I'm already under therapy but hearing advises and experiences from someone who can truly understand me could probably help.

I was still a child the fist time the bad thing happen. In short, an old man tricked me, exploiting previous issues (life hadn't been easy even before that event), as well as my enthusiasm to live (I would be a lively person, I've been told multiple times that I have a strong personality) and emerging interest in women.
The thing fully devastated me. I'm in my late twenties now, but I felt really really bad and dirty for a long time and I'm still struggling with depression (the meds didn't help).

My biggest issues however is that I'm still fully unable to feel, be part or enjoy ANY situation. I'm always somewhere else, never concentrated. I've tried many times to go out, do something funny, go into holidays, but this gives me nothing besides anger and sadness. I don't know why, there are mixed feelings in play. In part I feel like that I do not deserve it, that I'd be ridiculous to open up to people, in part maybe I'm scared that I could be tricked again.

As a result of this situation, since years I no longer have friends, I didn't have a girlfriend for a very long time (and even then, it never ended well because of my "frozen" status, something no woman forgives). I'm even unable to relate or even speak normally to other people (usually they treat me as I'm arrogant, few understand that I look hard because I can't let myself go), so it is very difficult to know new people.

However I'm still here, alive, so I think that a solution exists even for me, right? Even if my situation is a bit desperate, until know I managed somehow to survive. The school helped me in this, that is the ONLY thing I've been able to accomplish in more than a decade.
 
Hi Mundus

Welcome to MS. Sorry for what has happened to you to need a site like this. I am glad you had the courage to come and reach out for help. You are right talking to your T is clinical, coming here you will be able to talk and to hear from your peers that do understand as they have been there. You are defiantly not alone in this.

I am glad that you are reaching out early in this so many of us it takes years and decades for us to start to talk about the past and some never do open up. Everything gets buried so deep and is hard and painful to process.

I hope you find what you need here. Good luck on your healing journey

Esterio
 
Hi Mundus

Glad you found us but sorry you were hurt by another.

I encourage you to check out the forums and share as much as you feel comfortable

You've taken an important step for yourself
 
Thank you very much for the warm welcome, it really means a lot for me. To be understood, maybe for the very first time in my life. I'll certainly share more of my feelings on this forum, and try to help someone else if possible, thank you very much!!

It is really sad to hear that many people never open up or do it after decades, I know how heavy it is, as heavy as everyone will never understand, as heavy as you will regularly want to be left alone but can't blame others for this, for not understanding, and end up blaming yourself. Knowing that someone lives his entire life in this way, carrying someone else fault till the grave, makes me really wanna cry and get revenge.

Thank you again :)
 
Hi there!

I’d like to say a warm welcome too. It’s been a while since I’ve been here, so perhaps that sounds odd for me to say that. I’m really sorry you need to be here.

Opening up is a scary thing for many. It certainly was for me. I remember crying just looking at the title of the ebook “victims no longer” after I bought it. It was hard enough making the purchase, especially since I had to use someone else's card. Coming here brought many tears too, because I knew I needed to belong here. And all of that meant that yeah, I am a victim.

On a happier note, being helped a lot. It’s one thing to read accounts in a book and go “oh my God! That’s like me!” And another to be here and have the opportunity to actually interact with someone when you read about their story when it clicks with you. There’s incredible solace in that.

Personally, I think it’s neat that your from Switzerland! I lived there for 10 years. And your English is really good.
 
Hi Mundus - As we say in here : welcome and at the same time sorry for what brought you here. You'll find that it is a welcoming place. It doesn't replace your therapist (I'm still in therapy, too), but it does help to actually see words in front of you from others who are a lot like you.
My grandparents were German-speaking (born in the US but back then a lot of immigrants didn't speak a lot of English since living on farms at that time meant they didn't interact with others too much and didn't need to learn the local language). Their relatives had come from the north - Bremen - so my understanding of German isn't the Swiss style - plus it isn't my native language. All of that to say, welcome.
 
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