Active Registrant
I wonder if I ever will heal.
Too many questions to fill.
I no longer feel.
all this pain i try to kill.
Sit back and wonder.
Is healing real?
Anxiety, only time can heal.
I latch onto things to help cope.
Some healthy some not.
Chasing a feeling of solace.
I freeze up.
Moments, things, places take me back.
I’d be lieing if I said ptsd wasn’t a thing.
Well some people believe it ain’t.
For some things I should say.
How easy it is for someone who hasn’t experienced abuse.
Not only is my adult self shattered.
But my childhood in crumbled.
When both things collide that’s when you realize you need to heal.
I’ve missed out on so much.
Won’t visit things, will avoid things, or won’t even think back to when I was kid.
Although I’m forced to.
Memories pop in and out.
Happiness runs away from me it seems.
Friends and family will never understand me.
Behind a smile you can hide Almost everything.
some would never imagine what I’d been through.
It’s the same for me as well.
I find it’s hard to accept things when others around you won’t.
I minimize my biggest hardships and let little things get the best of me.
I fall and I’m not willing to get back up.
I accept failure.
I accept who iam not.
I shake my head yes when I really mean no.
No one knows.
Life is a game.
And I’m losing it.
I’m afraid of letting go.
Holding on to the past.
Seems it’s taken me.
I can’t shake it.
My imagination the only thing I have.
I’m Free when I’m zoned out.
PTSD is real.
For someone that has been abused.
Love is hard to express.
When you don’t understand it.
Connection and intmacy I won’t accept it.
Anger and bitterness is easy to show.
No one will be attached.
See how weak I can get.
I’m a man who must show I’m not a coward.
But I’m a boy who must admit he was.


New Registrant
Trying to live that was such a powerful account of how you feel and how I felt as well
time is a great healer and you will come back from hell
one line you wrote "I've missed out on so much" is something to remember
try and get over the anger and bitterness this will help you recover
what happened in the past made you the person you are today
you weren't to blame just an innocent in the way
love will return to your life if you can talk it out with those who care
the more you can open up the less you have to hide and bear
Abuse is an awful thing, once is enough don't abuse yourself
by blaming yourself
Take time to feel some love, spare some time for the things you like
write a letter to them that hurt you and read it out where " IT " took place
All these things have helped me get to where I am today,
not 100 percent BUT in a lot lot better place.
Good luck from me .