Getting support from friends-it’s awkward
One more thing I’m struggling with is that I need, desperately need, human companionship and support in real life, instead of limiting myself to online support, as helpful as it is. Given the sensitive nature of the support I need, it’s hard to figure out how to go about it.
I’m thinking in particular of a former classmate of mine. He and I were not close at all and I never thought much of him, but about 15 years ago, the class started to contact me for a high school reunion and that flared up lots of negative memories, so I sent a scathing email to my class telling them that those were the worst years of my life and had no desire to relive those days. He contacted me privately, apologizing for anything he could have done. It happens he was not one of the bullies. He told me that he used to respect me and envy me (I was the most intelligent kid in my class). We kept in touch very rarely over the years, but last year the high school reunion thing got reactivated again. It turns out he doesn’t live too far away, so, after much trepidation, I agreed to meet with him one on one. It went very well, he is a truly friendly, good person, as far as I can tell. He has invited me to his house, I’ve met his wife and one of his sons, we see each other on FB a lot and comment back and forth. So far, so good. It seems he is very caring and wants my friendship. I also want his friendship.
I’m reluctant because, particularly these days, I feel very lonely, needy, and anxious. I need and want real-life support, but I dont’ want a friendship to be based on just those needs. I don’t think I’m ashamed of my current struggles and I’m willing to share them, but I don’t want to give TMI that he may not be interested in hearing. He does know about my late partner so I dont’ worry about him rejecting me because of that.
I would love to socialize and have fun, but I’m fearful that I’m too full of gloom and doom right now and that I’ll ruin the friendship.
This is true of other former classmates as well. It is obvious that they care about me and remember me fondly, and I don’t want to dishonor that. None of the people that have reached out to me bullied me in any way. But I really have no clue on how to socialize healthily. I don’t want a friendship to become a counseling session, but I feel clueless about what is a healthy need for support from a friend to turning them into my unpaid shrinks.
Ultimately, it is about my underlying fear of “doing it wrong”. The only way I can avoid this fear is simply by avoiding engaging, thus depriving myself of human companionship. It seems I keep self-sabotaging myself at every step and every step I take seems like the wrong one. That’s a miserable place to be.
I’m thinking in particular of a former classmate of mine. He and I were not close at all and I never thought much of him, but about 15 years ago, the class started to contact me for a high school reunion and that flared up lots of negative memories, so I sent a scathing email to my class telling them that those were the worst years of my life and had no desire to relive those days. He contacted me privately, apologizing for anything he could have done. It happens he was not one of the bullies. He told me that he used to respect me and envy me (I was the most intelligent kid in my class). We kept in touch very rarely over the years, but last year the high school reunion thing got reactivated again. It turns out he doesn’t live too far away, so, after much trepidation, I agreed to meet with him one on one. It went very well, he is a truly friendly, good person, as far as I can tell. He has invited me to his house, I’ve met his wife and one of his sons, we see each other on FB a lot and comment back and forth. So far, so good. It seems he is very caring and wants my friendship. I also want his friendship.
I’m reluctant because, particularly these days, I feel very lonely, needy, and anxious. I need and want real-life support, but I dont’ want a friendship to be based on just those needs. I don’t think I’m ashamed of my current struggles and I’m willing to share them, but I don’t want to give TMI that he may not be interested in hearing. He does know about my late partner so I dont’ worry about him rejecting me because of that.
I would love to socialize and have fun, but I’m fearful that I’m too full of gloom and doom right now and that I’ll ruin the friendship.
This is true of other former classmates as well. It is obvious that they care about me and remember me fondly, and I don’t want to dishonor that. None of the people that have reached out to me bullied me in any way. But I really have no clue on how to socialize healthily. I don’t want a friendship to become a counseling session, but I feel clueless about what is a healthy need for support from a friend to turning them into my unpaid shrinks.
Ultimately, it is about my underlying fear of “doing it wrong”. The only way I can avoid this fear is simply by avoiding engaging, thus depriving myself of human companionship. It seems I keep self-sabotaging myself at every step and every step I take seems like the wrong one. That’s a miserable place to be.