Emotional Dysregulation

Emotional Dysregulation

PRFL

Registrant
Greetings,
This thread is intended to be a spin-off from my thread Triggered by T's Well-Meaning Question, as the real issue, as it is becoming apparent, is emotional dysregulation, which is something that I don't have a lot of information or experience with, but seems to be making lots of sense. My T has been absolutely fantastic and pretty much everything he's said has been spot on, but twice now this month I got severely triggered and I spent the whole week between appointments in severe distress, this last time I even had to call the hotline several times, something that I've never done. So while I may not like something he says and I may feel uncomfortable, and while my feelings may be legitimate, I'm simply unable to control them, so it's getting very difficult to move forward with the therapy until this gets addressed. He'll keep seeing me but less frequently, in the meantime I'll be seeing a different counselor to focus on this particular problem and developing coping strategies. Being that the triggers seem to be happening because of my projections and transference issues with him, having a neutral counselor who is not a target of my projections seems to make sense. I'm incredibly lucky in that they all work at the same center, which is conveniently located within walking distance. It is a center specifically dedicated to assault and trauma victims, and I've been their client for over a year, I'll be returning to my original counselor, with whom I'm in very good terms.
As far as my own dysregulation, when I get triggered, it starts mildly, then wildly escalates, and I become more and more anxious and depressed, feeling extreme feelings of hurt and rejection. I go home after a session where I get triggered, can easily spend 2-3 days in bed, unable to cry or eat, obsessing about the session, imagining what I could or should have said, torturing myself mercilessly and my life goes into a standstill. Lately, (this past week after my most recent episodes), I'm noticing I'm waking up abruptly, every couple of hours, with my heart pounding, feeling I just got kicked in the stomach. I'm aware I've been dreaming but usually I can't remember what (the only one I remember was last night was about my father dying I was tending to him and my sisters were present, a bit disturbing but it didn't feel traumatic to me. In reality, he died 5 years ago and I was at his side but my sisters were not). I live alone, with only two cats, and very limited support. I recently confided on my sisters, who are aware of my abuse history but not of the severity of my current problems. One possible contributing factor is that I've been on glaucoma drops that can cause severe depression and anxiety so I'm stopping them and seeing my eye dr next week.
I would like to hear how others have learned to cope with this, maybe also book recommendations on CPTSD, dysregulation, etc? As much as I like my T and interesting the insights we get from therapy, that's of little benefit if I'm experiencing disabling symptoms.
 
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The things that helped me the most were 1 Therapy, 2. Journaling, and 3. Belonging to a community of people who could help support me.
 
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