Dream(downer)

Dream(downer)
G

Greg56

I've never had this type of dream. It started off when I was younger and working on the family farm. I dreamt of how much I hated it. The dream progressed through my life. My cars, jobs and how I kept searching for a job that would satisfy me. I As the dream was ending and I was waking up...I remembered at certain points those people that I lost and where I was in my life at the time. At the end of the dream, I remembered who I am and how my life has been going as of late. I find I'm at a crossroads in my life because of my physical health and of making decisions of how to proceed.

My previous Cardiologist(who was very good and trusted) has retired. I'm therefore seeing another... who I've only seen once. Instead, I've been regulated to "Physician Assistants". Having had a down turn in health since last August...I've seen them a lot and been put through all kinds of tests. Between the office staff and these "Assistants", I've been told different things every time I visit(even from the same test results). I would like to change Cardiologist...however all the Cardiologist in the area belong to the same group.

The only other available Cardiologists are located an hour drive away. Something that I don't think I'm able to do. Which would lead me to necessarily rely on other people to help get me back and forth. An idea that I really dislike.

Should I just say Fuck it and not see anymore Cardiologists or do their tests? Maybe I should just use them for medication refills. I was told by my last Cardiologist, that my heart can only get weaker. The one thing that is clear is that there is no magic pill for my health...no getting clear of it. These people want me to have a device implanted in me. They made it clear that this would not improve my health...but could save me from a fatal heart attack. Being at these crossroads...I'm not sure I would want that. I don't want my life to get less livable(in my eyes).

I have been able to just get by on my own...owning and maintaining my home. I'm finding it harder to do the regular and daily maintenance...having to rely on asking others for help. Should I sell and get an apt.? I would hate this as I love my home, gardens and privacy.

I want to live the way I want to, I've always been self reliant...I've never asked people to do things for me unless I've had no other choice.

So, kind of depressed and not wanting to face/make these decisions.

Thanks for listening
Greg
 
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Hi Greg

It is hard when you get along in life and can't do the things you have love and loved to do. You are a couple of years ahead of me, I started to have make those decisions in my 40's.

I know that feeling well of having to ask for help around my home. I had someone that came to help out lots but he is now not in shape to do a lot for me. So I have hired out everything that I shouldn't be doing. I am trying to only do the stuff I can and like to do.

Having to have a devise implanted that will save you from a fatal heart attack would be a good thing.

I have been through a couple of these realizations that I can't or more to the point shouldn't do. The first I needed help I was loosing the use of my arms and hands came close to being put into care. Was scary to think I am going to be in care and I was just in my mid 40's. I had another surgery that help and is still holding. Now my neck is degenerating above and below the levels they had fixed. It is not time for more surgery The doctor told me to stop lifting and carrying. I have a 10 lbs. lift and carry restriction.

Aging is not a lot of fun when you are broken or not in good health. I am still planning and trying to continue to do some of the things I like and stop doing the things I don't. I have bought a camper van and I am intending or going camping again this next year up at a lake that has a nice trail around it. I am planning to be there 3 days a week and 4 days at home to look after my garden.

I am hoping I have more time before I have to move to town and into an apartment. Not looking forward to that. I am so used to being on my own I don't get bothered by anyone else here where I live.

So I think I can understand a little of what you are going through ((((((Greg))))). It is hard to make the decisions. I think it is better if we can make them instead of someone else making them for us. Good luck with making these decisions.

Take care Greg I wish you all the best
Esterio
 
Ahoy, Greg: Thank you for sharing from the heart. I am over 70 and can share your position of looking back, and seeing less in front of you. But, it seems that we do not control everything in our lives, so there is no point in sticking to that belief.
Governments try to convince us that our declining health (or poor health) is OUR FAULT (bad habits, poor choices, wrong decisions). Meanwhile, I feel that our purpose in life is just to do our best, and forgive our wrongs, and move on. No rocket science.
Regarding your Healthcare Assistants... I tend to respect them, despite their youthful innocence, and implement all their advice with profuse gratefulness. We patients get much better service from them when we are pleasant and cooperative. So... get on-board.... and sail with the winds..... and stop worrying..... worrying is their job. Focus on enjoying life.
Regarding moving your place to call home..... perhaps that can be a separate decision, not totally connected to your health. Choose what you WANT..... what you prefer..... considering your goals and resources.
Meanwhile, do what you can regarding socializing, recreation, exercise and diet. These are fully under your control, along with spiritual, mental, intellectual and emotional health.
Giving up is one choice, but perhaps the worst. Merry Christmas!!
 
Esterio, I have to try to think of my physical capabilities of the now. This is something that I'm trying and beginning to do. I used to fall asleep planning my next day...my projects, my goals, time etc.. For the most part I was pretty accurate. Of course I was younger then. I had to readjust the time and strength it took to accomplish these things a couple of years ago. I had to do it again last March. I'm now having to do it yet again since August. Frustrating...but, not impossible(as yet).

Older...I am a kind and patient person...I respect. I may not have conveyed myself well. My problem is that with every visit I'm told by these "assistants" differing blood test results from the same test depending on who is speaking to me. Differing recommendations for medications or their dosages based on each of their perception of these tests. Which one do I listen to? How can I feel comfortable in my care?

Greg
 
Hi Greg

It is hard to cut things out of your life as you age and your health is sitting the pace. It is hard to accept and everything takes longer to do. It is the life we have so I think we to keep making these changes in our lives.

I am sorry to hear about experience with the Doctor assistants. There is talk that they well be introducing nurse practitioner soon to take the load off but I think is it at the family practice only so far. We have a shortage of Doctors.

Good luck making your decisions
Esterio
 
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