Abused by my step sister

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Abused by my step sister

rob150001

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Hello,

This is about abuse I suffered for several years from my step sister and indirectly from my step mom. It is very hard to talk about and is definitely triggering.

When I was 12, my mom was admitted to a drug rehab clinic and I had to live with my father and his girlfriend. My dad was an over the road truck driver and was almost never home and when he was, it was only for a day or two.

At first, his girlfriend was very kind to me and treated me much better than my mom ever did. She bought me new clothes and made sure I did my homework. At night, she would cook for me and her daughter Lisa.

Things changed when she and my dad got married. She started wanting me and Lisa to be closer, insisting we do homework together, walk to school together and basically spend all of our free time together. At the time, I did not mind. I was shy and did not have a lot of friends and certainly did not talk to girls. Lisa was very popular and she was easy to talk to. I also have to admit that Lisa is very beautiful. She was a few months younger than me but played lots of sports and was a cheerleader. She would do workouts every day in the basement. There were mats and weights and such that her mom had set up down there. Every day, she would do stretching and push-ups and sit-ups and then practice her cheer routines. I am ashamed to say, my first sexual feelings and attraction were watching her workout.

Her mom started to insist I join her for her workouts. I was not into sports but if it meant I could spend time with Lisa I was for it. We would do calasthenics together every afternoon. She would direct me and I felt silly taking orders from her but I also enjoyed being with her so it was all very confusing.

One day, she asked if I wanted to wrestle her. I did not think that I should wrestle her and I certainly did not want to hurt her but she said it would be fun and it was good exercise so I agreed. I quickly learned that she knew how to wrestle really well and had little trouble taking me down. The first time this happened, it was awkward and she teased me about it. But she released me right away and didn’t mention it again that day. The next day, I tried avoiding the workout because I was still embarrassed from the day before. I made a lame excuse about being tired but her mom insisted I do the workout so I had no choice.

After our workout, she again wanted to wrestle. She pinned me down easily again but this time, she would not let me up. Instead, she held me down and was teasing saying stuff like I should fight harder and try and escape but we both knew I couldn’t. Then she started to rub her leg on me, between my legs. I had never done ANYTHING sexual at that point (I had just turned 13) but I felt myself get aroused. She just looked at me and smiled as she did this. After a few minutes, she let me go and I quickly ran upstairs.

This went on for a few days. I didn’t know what to do. Not doing the workouts was not an option. After we finished, we’d talk and sometimes we’d wrestle. She would find new ways to hold me down and sometimes really hurt me by twisting my arm or leg or putting me in a choke. She was very skilled (I learned that one of her sports she took lessons in was martial arts).

After a couple of more weeks, during one of our wrestling matches, she was rubbing me with her thigh up against my groin. I had gotten used to this and had even started to enjoy the feelings even though I knew they were wrong. I tried getting her to stop but she kept rubbing until I climaxed. It was the first orgasm I ever had. I was a little dizzy from it and she just teased me about how I got my shorts dirty.

She tried to talk to me about it but I ran upstairs and showered. I was humiliated that this girl was doing this but I also loved how it felt too.

This went on like this. We would do our exercises and after she would hold me down and rub me with her leg. Soon she began touching me with her hand. Pushing down my shorts and giving me a hand job. She knew a lot more about sex than I did. Around the time the hand jobs started, she would also touch herself. I didn’t know what to do. My dad was never around and when he was, I couldn’t face him. We were not close and I know he would be mad at me if he knew what me and Lisa were doing.

I knew that this was wrong but I never felt she was abusing me. It was so confusing to me. There were times when she would force me and times where i'd just give in and let her do it. She would always tell me that 'if i didn't want it, then it wouldn't happen'. I believed this.

This started to effect me even when we were not in the basement. I did not understand it at the time but I was letting her control my entire life. I had to walk to school with her and wait after school while she did cheer practice before coming home. At home, I did all of the chores and had almost no time to myself. Whenever she would say 'lets go downstairs', i knew what she meant and even if I didn't want to go, I went.

Things moved from touching to oral. She would tell me how to go down on her and give me instructions on what to do. It was really humiliating taking orders this way but I also knew it made her happy. She would get excited and when she had an orgasm, she would make me stay with her after while she described it in such detail, all the time telling me how good I was at it. This made me feel good and it went on.

I was desperate to talk to someone about this but didn't know where to turn. My father was working longer and longer stretches away from home. He and Lisa's mom would fight whenever he was home and it soon became clear they were not a couple anymore. I would go month's without seeing him. We'd talk on the phone for a few minutes at a time but then that stopped too.

When I turned 16 and I got a driver's permit, I started driving Lisa around. She would make me take her to friends homes I didn't even know she knew. I would wait in the car for her, sometimes for hours while she was inside. Sometimes, depending on the house, she would invite me inside and we'd hangout with different girls and guys. She would get sexual with them and when I went to leave, she would want me to stay and watch her. On the way home, she would question me about everything i saw and what i thought. i hated this almost as much as anything because it was just so embarrassing and my sister was just using me and teasing me.

Sometimes, we'd go to a home and she would be with men. This got me really worried because i just knew that she would get in trouble and then I would get in trouble. It was around this time I finally tried talking to her mom about what was happening. She barely listened and said that Lisa was just having fun and that I was lucky that she loved me so much. That most boys would love to be with Lisa.

Again, I knew this was so wrong but I wasn't sure why or how. It had been this way for a long time. I could not talk to my school friends because i was too embarrassed at being used by Lisa the way i was. I was sure they would laugh at me. I was bullied a lot in school and this would definitely make it worse.

Many times I asked Lisa to stop. She never took me seriously. She would just laugh or say that I really loved it or say that if I tried to stop her she'd do it anyway or that if I told she would say it was my fault and that no one would believe me. I think she was right about that. SHe was very nice to everyone, had tons of friends. She got straight A's and did volunteer work. She was like the perfect girl. And she was beautiful and athletic. I never and still don't understand why she wanted to be with me, even as a joke. I don't understand it.

It just got more humiliating as I really understood that she was just using me. I was so conditioned at that point that I knew the only way to stop was to leave.

When I was 17, I graduated high school a year early. I filled out every financial aid form there was and thankfully was able to go away to college. I live about 2 hours from Lisa and her mom and have only seen them 2 times over the past 3 years. I graduate this May and I have no intentions of ever living with them again.

I am starting to understand how messed up I am now. i have not had a real girlfriend and the thought of having sex with someone is actually frightening. I cannot even masturbate without thinking of Lisa and that is the most upsetting thing.

I know that I need therapy. It is what led me to this site. I am hoping, but starting here.. anonymously, I can start to get help and get past this.

Thank you for listening,

Rob
 
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