Abuse without physical force
I've been in plenty of physical altercations, but it's like it was so shocking, unbelievable, and confusing that I was too busy trying to figure out what was actually happening that it never occurred to me to fight until it was too late to fight.Howard, I submitted too, earlier than I wanted. It wasn’t very violent except the initial forcing himself onto me. Don’t blame yourself for submitting—and don’t blame yourself for any of it. In those situations, we don’t know how we’ll react until it happens. I can promise you this, if I ever find myself in that circumstance again—so help me God I don’t—I’m not going down without a intense fight.
Your words here resonated with me because I’m very much the same way:
“I've always been so non-confrontational and naive, assuming the best in people;”
We’re good people who found ourselves in bad situations thinking someone else would think and act like we do. I’m so sorry this happened to you.
That’s exactly it. Very well put.I've been in plenty of physical altercations, but it's like it was so shocking, unbelievable, and confusing that I was too busy trying to figure out what was actually happening that it never occurred to me to fight until it was too late to fight.
Thank you, Scott. I spend alot of time analyzing and thinking about the how and why of everything. It's good to know it makes sense to someone else. Because it's hard to not worry that I'm not subconsciously trying to rationalize or make excuses for the way things happened.That’s exactly it. Very well put.
Exactly. I too worry that I’m not trying to rationalize or make excuses. I’m so glad you said that. I’ve been really struggling with shame and guilt these last couple of weeks. Intellectually I know what happened to me was non-consensual pure rape. But my guilt says otherwise. I blame myself a lot and don’t feel that I deserve good things now.Thank you, Scott. I spend alot of time analyzing and thinking about the how and why of everything. It's good to know it makes sense to someone else. Because it's hard to not worry that I'm not subconsciously trying to rationalize or make excuses for the way things happened.
That's one of the biggest things I've had to learn how to deal with is knowing what happened versus believing what happened. I had mentioned it in another post. But, since I have found this group and seem how similar all of our experiences are; it is getting easier and easier to put the blame where it belongs.Exactly. I too worry that I’m not trying to rationalize or make excuses. I’m so glad you said that. I’ve been really struggling with shame and guilt these last couple of weeks. Intellectually I know what happened to me was non-consensual pure rape. But my guilt says otherwise. I blame myself a lot and don’t feel that I deserve good things now.
If I can’t say it for me, let me say it for you. You are not making excuses. Assault, abuse, rape, all of it is why we’re here. Keep thinking analytically especially when emotionally it’s tough. And then respond to yourself with empathy like you would someone else who is going through it.